Divorce is a painful and messy business. Divorce touches us all in some way. We maybe the product of divorce or we may know someone who has gone through a divorce. The scars that are left can be life altering to say the least.
One of the most difficult things to witness is your best friend going through a divorce. You can see the pain and suffering a friend of yours is going through. Perhaps your friend is very angry and bitter and that can put a strain on the relationship.
If your best friend is in the middle of a divorce or has recently gone through a divorce you must be patient and understanding in order to help them through this very difficult time.
If you are talking with your friend and you happen to say something that makes them angry or upset, just remember they are probably not angry or upset at you. They are most likely; angry at the situation they are in. If they say something that might be hurtful to you, let it pass and try to put yourself in their situation. Unfortunately, they are probably lashing out and you just happen to be there.
When a person is going through a divorce, they can handle the pressure and change in many different ways. For some people, they want to surround themselves with friends and family and discuss the situation openly. Other individuals, feel like a complete failure and what nothing to do with other people. Instead they prefer to be by themselves and think about the changes in their lives. Recognizing what your friend wants is an important step to helping them. Respect their boundaries and allow them to set the pace for discussion.
When my brother went through his divorce, he commented to me that he felt like a complete failure. At the time, I didn’t understand him. Having gone through my own divorce recently, I can now relate to how he was feeling. After my separation, I felt ashamed, guilty and like my brother, I felt as though I had failed miserably.
When you are speaking with your best friend after a divorce, just remember they are probably feeling like a failure themselves. At that moment, they do not need to hear what they are doing wrong or what they need to improve upon. What they need are friends that can listen and empathize with their situation. Be supportive and offer upbeat advice when the situation warrants.
If your best friend shows no interest in getting together like you use to do in the past don’t panic, they probably just need some time by themselves. What you should do is maintain contact and communication. Don’t push it though. Invite them out even if they continue to refuse. Show them you are interested by dropping a quick email or phone call just to see how they are doing. When you talk to them, try not to dwell on the divorce or separation but on other positive things that is happening in their lives.
Gary Kelly is co-creator of the online dating website for golfers, DateAGolfer.com and PuttingForPar.com, a golf website specializing in personalized ball markers
