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Make Your Sex Sizzle with Foreplay By Cynthia Perkins, M.Ed. ©
2004
The importance of foreplay is often underestimated and minimized
or even ridiculed. The informed experienced lover will know that
not only is foreplay one of the most passionate ways to sweep
his woman off her feet, but it also increases intimacy, develops
trust and care, promotes emotional connection, deepens love and
has the ability to enhance his satisfaction as well.
First and foremost, adequate foreplay is essential to a woman’s
satisfaction and her ability to achieve orgasm. Women need
extended stimulation to reach optimal arousal. Adequate foreplay
consists of at least 15 minutes, but preferably 20 or more. This
is very important for couple’s to know. Many women have
difficulty reaching orgasm or experience dissatisfaction with
their sexual adventures and often the only cause of these
difficulties is the lack of adequate foreplay. Foreplay is
physiologically necessary for women’s pleasure, not an
unnecessary request she has created to make things more
difficult for the male. You can never spend too much time on
foreplay. It can only enhance the sexual encounter and the
relationship even more.
Foreplay has many other important purposes to keep in mind. It
shows your lover that you care about her and her needs. The way
you touch your woman indicates to her how you feel about her and
the way you feel about her impacts how she will respond to you
sexually and how pleasurable the sex will be for her. It
promotes emotional connection and deepens intimacy, which are
two more necessary components for sex to be satisfying for the
woman.
It is not only the female that benefits from foreplay. On a
biological level foreplay induces lubrication for the woman and
erection for the man. Taking time to sensuously explore and
relish one another’s bodies can significantly help with male
sexual problems such as premature ejaculation or impotence,
creating harder erections, increased stamina and more satisfying
sex for the male as well. As men grow older they may not get
erect by sight alone as they once did in younger years, extended
periods of touching, kissing and caressing can provide the
necessary stimulation needed for erection. Foreplay also builds
passion and generates fire making for a more electrifying sexual
adventure for both male and female.
Foreplay can include much more than basic touching, kissing,
holding and caressing. It can also consist of words and behavior
that will enhance the excitement and passion. In addition to
kissing, touching and holding you might try giving her a loving
compliment, expressing affectionate feelings or giving her a
gift such as flowers or lingerie. Foreplay does not always have
to begin immediately preceding the sexual act.
For a very special treat and to really light her fire foreplay
that begins in the morning and lasts all day will work even
better by producing a loving seduction. The scenario might go
something like this: you prepare your lover breakfast or bring
her tea and present it to her with a big kiss, before you leave
for the day place a sweet love note in a special place for her
to find, when you leave for the day hold and kiss her with a
deep passionate kiss, then call her later in the day from work
and asks how her day is and tell her you love her, or in the
call tell her how much you want her and you can’t wait to taste
her, later that day send her flowers or when you come home from
work bring her a beautiful gift, when you come in the door once
again she is greeted with hugs and kisses, before dinner you
give her a bath and caresses her feet or you take a shower
together, after dinner you clean up the kitchen and tell her to
go rest, then you join her in the living room and give her a
full body massage and spend at least 15 minutes holding, kissing
and licking. By this time her body will be aching with desire.
This little dance will reap many rewards for you. No, it’s not
realistic that you would do all of these activities each time
you want to make love, but once in awhile would make her feel
real special and make her appreciate you so much. You will
dazzle your woman and have her melting in your arms. The loving
act would be remembered and generate a reciprocal effect in
which she will want to please you and the relationship will grow
stronger and deeper.
Sensuous undressing is another powerful form of foreplay that
can stimulate and intensify sexual desire. Undress her very
slowly with lots of soft gentle kisses on the exposed body
parts. Focus on one piece of clothing at time. Look in her eyes
while unbuttoning or unzipping. Let her take your shirt off. Let
her feel your chest against hers. Hold and caress before moving
to more action.
Another trick to prolong satisfaction and build even more desire
is that once you have participated in some extended stimulating
foreplay and both of you can hardly stand it anymore, then take
the foreplay just a little bit further and escalate your hungers
to new heights.
As always, communication is the ever-important factor in great
sex. If your lover is not meeting your foreplay needs, then you
need to speak up and let them know. Tell them what you need or
what you would like to try. If speaking the words out loud is
too difficult then literally show and guide him. Men, ask your
woman what she needs. You can assume that some basics all women
will love, but they will also have individual needs. You don’t
want to do something she doesn’t enjoy. The enlightened lovers
participation in foreplay is not begrudging or the means to an
end, they fully enjoy savoring their woman with long sensuous
play and delight in bestowing her with pleasure as much as she
enjoys receiving. Sex is more satisfying for both partners. They
are astutely aware that all the benefits of foreplay put
together are important components that will help keep excitement
alive and prevent love from eroding or diminishing, thus
creating a stronger more fulfilling relationship in every way.
