It is well to be up before daybreak, for such habits contribute to health, wealth, and wisdom.
- Aristotle

Are morning people born or made? In my case it was definitely made. In my early 20s, I rarely went to bed before midnight, and I’d almost always sleep in late. I usually didn’t start hitting my stride each day until late afternoon.

But after a while I couldn’t ignore the high correlation between success and rising early, even in my own life. On those rare occasions where I did get up early, I noticed that my productivity was almost always higher, not just in the morning but all throughout the day. And I also noticed a significant feeling of well-being. So being the proactive goal-achiever I was, I set out to become a habitual early riser. I promptly set my alarm clock for 5AM…

… and the next morning, I got up just before noon.

Hmmm…

I tried again many more times, each time not getting very far with it. I figured I must have been born without the early riser gene. Whenever my alarm went off, my first thought was always to stop that blasted noise and go back to sleep. I tabled this habit for a number of years, but eventually I came across some sleep research that showed me that I was going about this problem the wrong way. Once I applied those ideas, I was able to become an early riser consistently.

It’s hard to become an early riser using the wrong strategy. But with the right strategy, it’s relatively easy.

The most common wrong strategy is this: You assume that if you’re going to get up earlier, you’d better go to bed earlier. So you figure out how much sleep you’re getting now, and then just shift everything back a few hours. If you now sleep from midnight to 8am, you figure you’ll go to bed at 10pm and get up at 6am instead. Sounds very reasonable, but it will usually fail.

It seems there are two main schools of thought about sleep patterns. One is that you should go to bed and get up at the same times every day. It’s like having an alarm clock on both ends you try to sleep the same hours each night. This seems practical for living in modern society. We need predictability in our schedules. And we need to ensure adequate rest.

The second school says you should listen to your body’s needs and go to bed when you’re tired and get up when you naturally wake up. This approach is rooted in biology. Our bodies should know how much rest we need, so we should listen to them.

Through trial and error, I found out for myself that both of these schools are suboptimal sleep patterns. Both of them are wrong if you care about productivity. Here’s why:

If you sleep set hours, you’ll sometimes go to bed when you aren’t sleepy enough. If it’s taking you more than five minutes to fall asleep each night, you aren’t sleepy enough. You’re wasting time lying in bed awake and not being asleep. Another problem is that you’re assuming you need the same number of hours of sleep every night, which is a false assumption. Your sleep needs vary from day to day.

If you sleep based on what your body tells you, you’ll probably be sleeping more than you need in many cases a lot more, like 10-15 hours more per week (the equivalent of a full waking day). A lot of people who sleep this way get 8+ hours of sleep per night, which is usually too much. Also, your mornings may be less predictable if you’re getting up at different times. And because our natural rhythms are sometimes out of tune with the 24-hour clock, you may find that your sleep times begin to drift.

The optimal solution for me has been to combine both approaches. It’s very simple, and many early risers do this without even thinking about it, but it was a mental breakthrough for me nonetheless. The solution was to go to bed when I’m sleepy (and only when I’m sleepy) and get up with an alarm clock at a fixed time (7 days per week). So I always get up at the same time (in my case 5am), but I go to bed at different times every night.

I go to bed when I’m too sleepy to stay up. My sleepiness test is that if I couldn’t read a book for more than a page or two without drifting off, I’m ready for bed. Most of the time when I go to bed, I’m asleep within three minutes. I lie down, get comfortable, and immediately I’m drifting off. Sometimes I go to bed at 9:30pm; other times I stay up until midnight. Most of the time I go to bed between 10-11pm. If I’m not sleepy, I stay up until I can’t keep my eyes open any longer. Reading is an excellent activity to do during this time, since it becomes obvious when I’m too sleepy to read.

When my alarm goes off every morning, I turn it off, stretch for a couple seconds, and sit up. I don’t think about it. I’ve learned that the longer it takes me to get up, the more likely I am to try to sleep in. So I don’t allow myself to have conversations in my head about the benefits of sleeping in once the alarm goes off. Even if I want to sleep in, I always get up right away.

After a few days of using this approach, I found that my sleep patterns settled into a natural rhythm. If I got too little sleep one night, I’d automatically be sleepier earlier and get more sleep the next night. And if I had lots of energy and wasn’t tired, I’d sleep less. My body learned when to knock me out because it knew I would always get up at the same time and that my wake-up time wasn’t negotiable.

A side effect was that on average, I slept about 90 minutes less per night, but I actually felt more well-rested. I was sleeping almost the entire time I was in bed.

I read that most insomniacs are people who go to bed when they aren’t sleepy. If you aren’t sleepy and find yourself unable to fall asleep quickly, get up and stay awake for a while. Resist sleep until your body begins to release the hormones that rob you of consciousness. If you simply go to bed when you’re sleepy and then get up at a fixed time, you’ll cure your insomnia. The first night you’ll stay up late, but you’ll fall asleep right away. You may be tired that first day from getting up too early and getting only a few hours of sleep the whole night, but you’ll slog through the day and will want to go to bed earlier that second night. After a few days, you’ll settle into a pattern of going to bed at roughly the same time and falling asleep right away.

So if you want to become an early riser (or just exert more control over your sleep patterns), then try this: Go to bed only when you’re too sleepy to stay up, and get up at a fixed time every morning.

Edit (05/31/05): Due to the (mysterious) popularity of this post, I’ve written a follow-up with some extra detail and clarifications: How to Become an Early Riser - Part II.

Copyright © Steve Pavlina

Steve Pavlina
Personal Development for Smart People
http://www.stevepavlina.com
http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog (blog)
http://www.stevepavlina.com/articles (articles)

Steve is intensely growth-oriented. He trained in martial arts, ran the L.A. Marathon, and graduated from college in three semesters with two degrees. He can juggle, count cards at blackjack, and make damn good guacamole. Steve is also a polyphasic sleeper, sleeping just 2-3 hours per day and only 20 minutes at a time. So chances are good that he’s awake right now.

Want to make your New Year’s resolutions actually happen next
year? This article will show you how to turn your New Year’s
resolutions into goals and achieve them.

New Year’s resolutions are a great way to move your life ahead.
They give you hope for the New Year plus direction for your
life. New Year’s resolutions seem to bring out more creative,
adventurous ideas, than if we told ourselves to make a list of
goals for next year. In fact many more people make New Year’s
resolutions than set goals. 32% of people 54 years old and up
make New Year’s resolutions, and for the 18 to 34 year old group
the figure is 57%. Whereas only about 5% of the population
regularly set goals. Unfortunately, most New Year’s resolutions
fall by the wayside within a week.

You had some great ideas for New Year’s resolutions, so how do
you stop them from falling by the wayside?

The first step is to write all of the New Year’s resolutions
down and analyze them. Are any of them conflicting, such as
making more money versus taking more time off? Next look at them
and ask if they are really achievable. Do they call for physical
feats you can never match? Do they seem silly now that you see
them written out? So cull out the resolutions don’t past muster
so far. Now you have a list that you can work with.

Next make sure you don’t have more than five resolutions on your
list, as more than that will probably dilute you efforts.
Concentrate only on the highest priority items.

The next step is to rewrite the resolutions into goals, as be
as specific as possible. It is safe to call them goals now, as
the part where we need to be the most creative in generating
ideas for objectives is past. You had a resolution to make more
money next year, so exactly how much do you want to earn next
year, when will you earn it, how will you earn it, where will
you earn it and so on. Make sure every goal is totally clear and
it gives you some stretch, yet is still achievable. .

Once the goal is clear, look at the goal and make sure it is
measurable, so you can track your progress, through feedback and
then adjust accordingly.

Next you need a plan for each of the goals. Break down the steps
needed to be done, in the order they are to be done. Once again,
be specific, list who will do what and when. It also helps to
assign a dollar and time budget to the steps so you understand
what is involved.

Here is the biggest step. Take Action. Start to work you plan.

Once the plan is underway, start to measure your progress and
correct what you need to as you move along.

As you move along on your plan, use affirmations as
visualization to help you keep motivated. Affirmations are
positive statements, starting with “I am” that describe you
achieving your goal. For instance if your goal is to make $100,
000 next year, each day, say out loud “I am a person who is
earning $100,000 this year. Visualizations are guided daydreams
showing you actually attaining your goal and should also be done
daily.

Take setbacks in stride; turn them into comebacks by learning
what went wrong, making adjustments and moving on. Don’t give up
on a goal, if your timetable is thrown off. It the goal is still
something you want, just believe it is better to achieve success
late, than never at all.

While having New Year’s resolutions and goals are great, and
achieving them is even better, there is an even better reason
for setting them. The major reason for setting a goal is for you
to become the person that can accomplish it. How you become a
better person will always be of far greater value than what you
get. The ultimate reason for setting goals is to become the
person that will achieve them.

So start listing your New Year’s resolutions right now,
regardless if you have been naughty or nice this year. You are
on your way to making next year, your dream year. Happy New
Year.

First, I would like to remind you that self improvement is an on
going process not a one time occurrence, so fall in love with the
journey and do your best to remember who YOU are and why YOU are
here.

When you decide to “dig in” and live your life becoming
the best you that you can be, you are going to travel through
(not around) these 4 major stages. So, where are you on this path?

Stage One: Self-Discovery

The self-discovery stage starts at childhood and hopefully
lasts a lifetime. It is the time to find out what you love
to do. Some people follow their hearts and are lucky enough to
do what they love for a living. Yet others follow the advice
“grow up and get a job” uttered by fearful well-meaning adults.

So they settle for a job that pays the bills but doesn’t
offer fulfillment. Until one day their inner voice starts
to question, “How the hell did I get here?” “Isn’t there more
to life then this?”

The answer is YES and you are off to Stage Two!

Stage Two: Self-Inventory

The self-inventory stage is full of questions begging to be
answered. Why do I think what I think? Why do I believe what
I believe? You start to sort things out during this stage.

You begin to understand that most of what you thought were your
beliefs and opinions were really just someone else’s fears and
phobias thrust upon you during the domestication process.
(Oh, I’m sorry - childhood.)

Personal freedom is found at this stage. You begin to figure
out what the world means to you. Best of all you find
forgiveness here, forgiveness for yourself and others.

You begin to research and learn about new ideas and eventually cross
paths with authors like Ruiz, Zinn and Hesse. You begin to realize
that life looks and feels better form the perspective of love rather
then fear and you wonder, “Am I allowed to share my new findings
and truths with others?”

The answer is YES and you are off to Stage Three!

Stage Three: Self-Motivation

The self-motivation stage is where you find courage. You discover
a new world of books, seminars, programs and tests. You’re like a
child again, devouring everything you can get your hands on.
Your new ideas are validated and encouraged by other like minded
people. You freely gain and apply new knowledge and conscious
growth begins to take place.

Your life starts to come together and courage is building.
You start gaining confidence from listening to people like
Tony Robbins and Lee Milteer give you the step by step direction
to make these positive changes. You start to discover your real
power and purpose.

You REMEMBER that you are good enough, worthy enough and ready to
stand up and create the life you desire, in all areas mind,
body and spirit. Then you think, “Do I really have what it takes
to follow my heart and become…?”

The answer is YES and you are off to Stage Four!

Stage Four: Self-Change

In the Self-Change Stage you begin to apply the lessons you have
learned and your effort bares fruit. You are on your way to doing
what you love. People start to respond to your positive energy and
you bring out the best in others.

It wasn’t long ago you were where they are now. You have found the
courage to take what you have learned through your long hard journey
of Self-Discovery, Self-Inventory and Self-Motivation and use it to
help others.

You are ready to become a mentor, a writer or maybe a speaker.
What ever it is you decide to do with the love you have found within
yourself, you know it will make the world a better place.
And isn’t that why we are all here anyway?

So as you travel on your path through these four major stages,
remember that you are here to touch the world with your uniqueness.
Find your courage and develop your gifts, the world has never
needed you more.

© Andy Thompson - All Rights Reserved

Andy Thompson is a writer who enjoys the GROWTH part of the
Self Growth Process. He recommends Lee Milteer’s breakthrough 21-day
self empowerment program and publishes a monthly Bad Habit

Breaking 101 newsletter find them both as well as a free 7-day
goal setting e-course at http://www.BadHabitBreaking101.com

You may reprint this article in you newsletter as long as appears
exactly as printed above including the link.

Who and what you are at this moment in time is nothing but the result of your consistent actions. The same is true for what you will become as a person. Being caught up in the destructive habit of procrastinating will only serve to immobilize you and deprive you of a future that might end up being only a dream. Overcoming procrastination has no magic “cure”, but requires of you to truly develop yourself and grow in your capacity to take action. Procrastination truly is a strange behaviour, but is definitely there by design as it provides you with the necessary resistance to push against in order to build your inner strength and “emotional muscle.”

Procrastination is a call to action. Procrastination causes you to avoid the very tasks that will give you the results you are after. You have to step up and strengthen your resolve. The easiest way to snap yourself into action is by making a decision. Decision is the father of action and all action flows from decisions. The challenge is that we have been using the word decision so loosely that it lost much of it’s true meaning. When you make a real decision, a true commitment, you cut off all the possibilities other than that which you are absolutely committed to. Like any other skill you need to get better at making decisions by making more of them and as you develop this ability you will get better at overcoming procrastination until you eventually develop the habit of being decisive.

A truly committed decision will turn your “shoulds” into “musts.” In fact, this critical distinction separates procrastinators from action minded and decisive achievers. We all get what we have to have and we only get our “shoulds” when it is convenient. The most common reason why people procrastinate is that they just don’t “feel” like doing it. When you don’t feel like doing it, it simply means that you associate more pain to taking action than to avoiding it. As human beings we are to a large extent controlled by our emotions and feelings. You will do almost anything to avoid painful emotions and gain pleasurable emotions. Your beliefs about what will lead to pain or pleasure serves as a reference that will guide you in making decisions. Changing your limiting beliefs is a powerful way for overcoming procrastination. The only reason why you can’t take action is because of your belief(s) about why you can’t.

Beliefs are designed as a short cut for your mind to make decisions quickly. Even if you haven’t got exact experiences your mind will make it up based on your beliefs. We all have a built in need for certainty and our beliefs give us that sense of certainty. The most potent beliefs of all are the beliefs you have about yourself and your own abilities and capabilities. If you belief that you are a procrastinator and that you can never follow through and create results, then no matter what technique or strategy you learn or apply, you will always be a procrastinator. Your beliefs about yourself create your identity and one of the strongest need within your character is for your actions to be consistent with your identity. Whatever identity you hold will create your reality.

Your beliefs are mostly formed unconsciously by life experiences and the meaning you take from it. You are the master of meaning and the way you communicate your life experiences to yourself will determine what things mean to you. The way you talk and communicate with yourself is a form of hypnosis and most people give themselves a real hard time when they screw up. They indulge in negative self talk. That installs disempowering beliefs about their abilities and capabilities. Overcoming procrastination requires of you to take control of your internal communication. What you say to yourself about yourself and your life will eventually determine what actions you take.

People who are happy, successful and fulfilled are not lucky or born under the right stars, but are individuals that have learned how to overcome procrastination and take action even when they don’t feel like it. When you don’t feel like doing it you are simply not in a resourceful emotional state. The quickest way to change this is to change your mental focus; change your concentration and that which you are paying attention to. If you focus on the painful and unpleasant aspects of any task you will eventually start to procrastinate, even if you are incredibly disciplined. Your focus is your experience of life. Learning to control and direct your focus on the pleasurable aspects of taking action will empower you to overcome procrastination. Develop the habit of taking the long view; of focussing on the outcome and not the process and watch yourself move past procrastination.

This article is published with the permission of the author, Deon Du Plessis. He is the founder of The Self Improvement Gym, and author (in)action, a groundbreaking new action guide on eliminating procrastination. For more of his in-depth insights into personal development and access to his free self improvement library visit http://www.selfimprovement-gym.com/personal_development.html

http://www.selfimprovement-gym.com

“You see a huge hill ahead of you and you are excited. You want
that hill! You can’t wait to ride it!” These are the words of my
teacher as she leads the 8:45 a.m. class in the stationery bike
cardio workout known as “spinning.” I understand exactly what
she means. I increase the resistance on my bike to simulate the
hill, and I commit to it, knowing NOT ONLY that the hard part of
the workout will be good for me BUT ALSO that I will actually
love doing it.

This is a whole new universe for me. My native response as I
approach a big hill, virtual or otherwise, essentially goes like
this: “Whooooaaaaaa! Oh no! Look at that HUGE hill coming up! Oh
my god, can I do it?” My teacher’s “You want that hill!” is
about as alien to me as “For a reward, each of you will get to
take home one of these large queen termites!” I don’t think so!

My twenty-something daughters are athletes, and I have seen how
much their athletic development has enriched their lives and
contributed profoundly to their personal evolution. For example,
Sarah learned to “play at 100%” as a soccer goalie, and I know
this has carried over into other parts of her life. From early
experiences with great coaches, Emily learned to “play from her
strength,” a lifelong winning strategy for her.

GOING FOR MORE THAN ENOUGH . . .

My old pattern with athletic work has been to interpret a
certain level of physical challenge as “enough.” As in “enough
is enough.” And then I would stop, thinking I was taking care of
myself. As in “I don’t need this.” But now, at age 53, I find
myself eagerly embracing an entirely different pattern, not
because it’s good for me (though it is), but because I am
thrilled with the payoffs.

I am finding that HANGING IN - past where I used to throw in the
towel - is opening up new and wonderful parts of my life. It’s
not just that my fitness level is increasing, but also that I
have new options. I am training to ride the Pan Mass Challenge
with my older daughter in August, a two-day 170-mile bicycle
ride and fundraiser. I have long dreamed of finishing an
endurance event, but this is the first one that I am actually
taking on.

And get this: I love the training. Don’t get me wrong - when I
round a curve and see a steep rise, my first impulse is still
“Oh no! A hill!” But I’m learning how to not get stuck there.
Learning to focus on gears, on breathing, on strong legs, on
full strokes. I DO want that hill. Very smart people have been
doing this sport for a long time, and there is a large body of
knowledge to draw on. Cyclists are generous in sharing what they
know; it’s easy to be a learner in this context.

It turns out the hill is do-able. Amazing! And then there is the
down-hill side. Even more amazing. And often there are flat,
rolling roads, and I am once again a girl on her bike, flying
through the wind, smelling the spring, loving the moment,
feeling strong.

And of course, there’s spillover. I am learning to say, “I want
that hill!” in other parts of my life and work as well. Getting
better at spinning is helping me play harder elsewhere. Am I
playing at a hundred percent yet? Probably not, but I’m getting
closer.

ACCELERATING ENTHUSIASM

So, what are the learnings here that I want to share with you?
Here are my Coaching Tips. These ideas apply to endeavors that
you are clearly and unambivalently committed to. They do not
apply across the board.

A. When you endure the discomfort of being out of your comfort
zone, there can be juicy rewards. Go a little beyond where you
usually stop. Take the risk. You’ll know from your results (the
feeling of the whole experience itself) whether this is a good
risk for you or not.

B. One way to take yourself to new levels of effectiveness is to
reframe the way you look at challenge. As you flip your “Oh NO!”
into “Lemme at it!” the hard work actually gets easier.

C. Moving beyond your resistance to challenge (wanting to stop)
can result in huge gains, which in turn fuel all your
intentional endeavors.

D. Do not underestimate the interrelatedness of everything going
on in your life! Know that any time you take a step forward in
any arena in your life, you are also moving yourself forward in
other arenas of your life. Regarding the queen termite, you’ll
have to decide for yourself. If you’re considering hiring a
coach to help you with challenges like these, contact me at
sharon@stcoach.com for an initial consultation at no charge.

COPYRIGHT 2002, Sharon Teitelbaum. All rights reserved.

As a healthy business owner or independent professional, how do you end your year? Well, I tell my clients to stop working. That’s right, stop working. The kind of work I’m talking about is the work of getting new business. There is no new business in the dark days of winter, just the clean up of old business. If you have clients that must spend in order to deduct prior to years’ end, go to it. This is for those who have the time to take the time.

Just stop. Take it easy. Take a day or more to clean out your space. Go through each document and get rid of as many as possible. If it’s important, it will show up again. Don’t answer the phone until the bags are full. (Don’t answer the phone until 10:30 a.m. anyway, just for this month.)

Remain calm during this hectic time.

Throw away all your old magazines. Don’t subscribe to any new ones without an old one expiring. Check your e-mail subscriptions. Remove those you never read. Review the past year and identify the intangibles that contributed to your success. Passion, attitude, commitment, integrity and perseverance are solid ingredients in business achievements.

Let go of everything in your life that drains you or is a burden. Look at your daytimer, starting from January 1. How much time was scheduled for you? How many new friends did you make this year? How many problem people will you eliminate from the Rolodex of life? How much more time will there be for you or your new hobby?

What did you learn this past year? Write a letter to yourself and applaud your triumphs and your failures. Look at the people who have helped you this past year. Send them a note of appreciation.

Be grateful for what you have.

Check your income for last year. What’s your amount for 2003? Determine the number of days you want to work in 2004, divide that into your 2004 projections and you have a new monthly financial model!

You don’t have to look for new business to create new business; just create the space for it to appear. Take care of yourself, first, and avoid a hectic January. Take a nap, go to the movies, buy yourself a present and be happy.

© 2003 Joanne Victoria, All rights reserved Worldwide

You are free to reprint or repost this article as long as you include complete attribution. Please include the following information:

About The Author

Joanne Victoria works with executives, independent professionals and professional practice and small business owners who want to be true to who they really are and still achieve more.

Sign up now for Joanne’s FREE monthly e-zine Lighting Your Path!-Discover Your Inner Truth at: mailto:JoanneVictoria-subscribe@topica.com

Joanne Victoria - Leadership Coach, Speaker, Author

Tel:415-491-1344 mailto:joanne@joannevictoria.com

http://www.JoanneVictoria.com/programs.htm

Mistakes have gotten a really bad rap. Whether you call it
an error, a blunder, a screw-up, a faux pas, a gaffe or a
boo-boo, no one wants to be guilty of committing one.

The fear of not performing “up to snuff” leads many people
to procrastinate or even worse, never to act at all. For
many, this has become a major debilitating problem.

Besides the obvious lack of productivity and the numerous
aborted projects, this pathological postponement of duties
leads to:

-a guilty conscience
-inability to enjoy our free time
-harsh internal criticism
-severe mental conflict
-rationalization (that even we ourselves don’t believe)
-lowered self-esteem

Our list is hardly complete but it’s already hideous enough.

SO WHAT IS THE BIG DEAL ALREADY?

Why does making a mistake seem like such a life and death
situation for so many of us?

I believe it has to do with the fact that for many of us,
doing things right, learning quickly, being a smart kid, was
likely one of the major sources of appreciation or approval
we ever got. It may have been the ONLY time we got noticed.

In fact, for those of us who were quick studies, the few
times that we were not able to catch on with lightning speed
caused us great discomfort, as if we were about to be robbed
of our only source of approval, our one and only avenue of
acceptance.

As children, although we may have been praised when we did
something right, we were probably ignored, admonished or
even ridiculed when we weren’t able to perform so flawlessly.
As young children, this type of reaction provided us a
mirror or reflection of who we were based solely on our
performance. It defined our value.

As adults, although we might realize intellectually that
making a mistake is not a big deal, that it is a simply part
of a learning process, we still have a tendency to respond
from a deep emotional level that is no longer relevant.

WOULD EVERYONE WHO IS NOT HERE PLEASE LEAVE?

We need to tell these invisible critics to shut up, please
leave the room, take a flying leap, or whatever else occurs
to us at the moment. We’ve allowed them to hang around for
far too long.

Personally, I prefer the more courteous approach, but since
no one is REALLY around to get their feelings hurt, you may
wish to just tell these ghosts to get the hell out!

The crucial point is that you make your intention to banish
these disembodied voices crystal clear to yourself. In
actuality, you’re the only one you have to reckon with here.

ALLOW ME TO ILLUSTRATE…

Several years ago, I bought myself a piano. This was a
glorious treat for me. I was living in my own place, no
family, no roomies, no boyfriends, nobody but me and my
beloved piano. (And a couple of pussy cats but they didn’t
care how I played as long as I kept the food coming!)

Now I could play to my heart’s content without any unwanted
listeners lurking about. However, every time I sat down at
the keyboard, the room “filled up” with this invisible
audience, ghostly faces ready to wince at any sour note or
fumbled chord.

I was playing for my ego, trying to win the approval of
these phantom ears floating about my music room. And of
course, the true music got lost in the deal.

Is this anything like what happens to you when you try
something new? Are there invisible critics watching over
your shoulder, interfering with your concentration?

It doesn’t seem to matter what type of new activity we wish
to undertake. It could be something as simple as learning a
new software program or something as ambitious as tackling a
bold new approach to earning a fabulous living. Is it
possible that the actual goal has gotten lost in the melee
of ego and the fear of not getting it right the first time?

Does the idea of not having a completed blueprint of your
journey prevent you from taking the first step?

BRAVO FOR BLUNDERS

Here’s a technique, seemingly simple and silly, but very
effective just the same in combatting this tendency to
stay stuck in our well-worn rut.

When you become aware of any mistake or misstep you have
made, respond to it in this radically different way.

PRAISE yourself for discovering something that did not work.
That’s right, be glad! Acknowledge that you are now one step
closer to finding the solution you are after. Yessss!

Now for the really important part. Be certain to acknowledge
to yourself, preferably out loud, that by making the mistake
at hand you did NOT suddenly become stupid, puny or otherwise
diminished. Make note of the fact that you are every bit as
solid a person as you were before the mistake, and that you
are now a tad wiser besides. That’s it. But do it.

The only way you’ll ever learn to feel differently about
yourself is to start feeling differently about yourself. You
and only you control what you think. Think well of yourself.

Rosella Aranda, international marketer and writer, helps
entrepreneurs escape their limitations and get rid of self-
defeating behaviors permanently. See her newest ebook and
free mini-course at http://www.SabotageThyselfNoMore.com/
Newsletter at http://www.Calling-All-Entrepreneurs.com/

Whatever we want in life, a partner, more money, good health, a fulfilling career, or enlightenment, it all comes down to the same thing: behind all the wishes, behind all the desires, and beyond every symbol, we want to feel happy. After all, if we feel completely happy, what more do we need? And if we don’t feel happy, there is not a relationship or career that can satisfy us.

All men and women want to find happiness, but you don’t find happiness anymore than an artist finds a beautiful statue; he or she sculpts it from a shapeless stone. A musician doesn’t find an intricate melody; he or she composes it from the eight note scale.

Happiness is not an acquisition, it’s a skill. We don’t experience happiness because of something that we’re getting, like a raise or money. We experience happiness because of how we’re living. For example, having a tennis racket doesn’t make you a good tennis player, learning how to play tennis does. Having material things doesn’t make you happy; living each moment of the day to the fullest does. Happiness is living in the present moment. You experience happiness when you know exactly where you are in your life at a given moment, and experience that moment to the fullest.

Getting the things you want in life won’t make you happy unless you know how to enjoy every moment. For example, if you don’t know how to enjoy five hundred dollars, you will not enjoy five thousand dollars when you get it, or even five hundred thousand dollars. If you can’t enjoy taking a walk in your neighborhood, and you travel to Hawaii, Paris, or Rome, you won’t be any happier there either. Now I’m not saying having money or taking more trips doesn’t make your life easier or more fun. It does. But those things don’t make you deeply happy because they can’t. Only enjoying life’s real moments can.

If we look closely at our lives, most of us don’t feel very happy much of the time because we focus our attention on precisely the things that make us feel bad, our problems, and the issues we have in our personal and business lives. Most of us find happiness elusive because we aren’t exactly sure what it looks like. Like a rainbow, it appears before us at times, but it’s always temporary.

Working toward material success, expanded awareness, and love helps to make our lives exciting and meaningful. Yet, the urge to find happiness may be our deepest human drive. Despite our achievement and successes, many of us have a sense that something is still missing in our life. And it is this feeling that causes us to continue to search for happiness.

Wanting to grow, expand, explore, and improve are natural human drives. But many of us think that when we find what we’re looking for, it will make us happy. Only to find that it doesn’t. And when we keep trying to find happiness it only serves to reinforce our dilemma of never being able to find it. The more we search for happiness, the more it reflects our resistance or avoidance of life right now. The past is behind us and the future has yet to come, what we have is now. We all have the choice to be happy now or never.

Most of our stress and suffering in life comes from our mind’s resistance to what is. Happiness isn’t about getting what we want as much as wanting what we get. If our lives meet our basic needs for clothing, food, and shelter, then any unhappiness you feel comes from your mind’s resistance. If you take this same resistant mind with you into the future, this unhappiness will remain with you no matter how delightful your external circumstances are.

I don’t mean to imply that the discipline of creating happiness is easy. It’s not. And any process of learning involves mistakes and failures; but it gets easier over time.

Happy people create happiness. It’s the most contagious energy on earth. But, you can’t pretend to be happy or engage in denial or repression. If you do, you’ll only be fooling yourself. When you create happiness, you fully acknowledge and honor whatever emotions are passing through. You watch them like clouds passing by, but you focus your attention on the sunshine above the clouds. By doing this, you are intentionally creating a space of unconditional happiness. And this is much different from just saying “I’m happy” or bravely pretending to be happy. It’s the only happiness that is not dependent on outside circumstances.

If I could give you a formula for happiness, it would be: Become fully conscious of what you’re doing, perceiving, or experiencing in a given moment. Once you’re conscious of it, allow yourself to break through that illusion of separation and connect with the person, thing, or feeling. Then surrender totally into that connection and experience. Now you should be in tune with and actually experiencing the moment. Our lives are made up of a succession of moments that occur all the time. It’s up to us to enjoy them.

For example, let’s say you’re walking up a mountain that overlooks the ocean. You stop for moment and look out at the beautiful vista, feeling the fresh air, and for a second you feel at one with everything, you have this kind of high feeling. That’s a real moment of happiness in your life.

You deserve to have all the happiness that life has to offer. Make the most out of each moment in your life and enjoy it. Don’t wait for happiness to come to you. Create it yourself with each moment. You can become the magician by creating happy experiences whenever and wherever you want.

Copyright(c)2004 by Joe Love and JLM & Associates,Inc. All rights reserved worldwide.

Joe Love draws on his 25 years of experience helping both individuals and companies build their businesses, increase profits, and achieve total success. A former ad agency executive and marketing consultant, Joe’s work in personal development focuses on helping his clients identify hidden marketable assets that create windfall opportunities and profits, as well as sound personal happiness and peace.

Reach Joe at: joe@jlmandassociates.com

Read more articles and newsletters at: http://www.jlmandassociates.com

How many more servings of the daytime self-help salad will it take to sooth your appetite? To actually get your life to where you want it to be? To actually start seeing changes for yourself rather than just on the tear-filled faces of Oprah’s latest guests?

How about the alternatives? If you stick with TV then you will likely wind up in frightening dead ends with the likes of Jerry, Ricky and Montel. So, you read a few more Chicken Soup books, listen to another Anthony Robbins seminar and double up on the appointments with your shrink. Still nothing?

Consider coaching. Within the past decade, life (or personal) coaching has become the self-help book put into action. Once reserved for executives facing tough decisions in elite corners of corporate America, coaching has now become a catalyst for success in life, career and relationships for mainstream America. Think of coaching as having your own Dr. Phil on call; someone there not to diagnose emotional problems or feel your pain, but to help you set better goals, take more action, make better decisions and use your natural strengths more fully.

Coaching has been touted as a cutting edge resource for life success by every form of national media. Health Magazine recently called coaching, “The path to success.” The Washington Post recently headlined, “many who want a winning record in the game of life are hiring a Life coach.” The profession is even showcased in a new reality TV show called Starting Over, although many coaches see this as painting the profession as merely the latest self-help fad.

Here’s how it works. Life coaches are retained on a monthly basis with fees ranging from $150-$400, on average. This generally includes three or four coaching sessions that last anywhere from half an hour to a full hour. Most coaches also provide additional support and communication between sessions via e-mail, instant messaging or brief “check in” phone calls. It is also common practice for coaches to provide a free introductory session for potential clients to get a sampling of what being coached is like and to see if they “click” with their potential coach. Those hiring coaches run the gamut. Coaching clients are parents, teachers, business professionals, “Midlifers”, students and business owners. They are basically, anyone ready for life change through the support, guidance, challenge and clarity that coaching provides. When moving forward rather than digging deeper begins to sound like the right recipe, then coaching might be your next best step. Don’t forget, Jerry, Ricky and Montel will always be there to remind you of the alternatives!

About The Author

Robert A. Eubanks, Ph.D. is a personal coach whose mission is to help others balance their lives, achieve personal goals and begin living their passions. For a complimentary coaching session or more information about coaching, go to www.bridgetosolutions.com or call 561-385-9184.

bridgetosolutions@yahoo.com

HOW TO FORGET YOUR EX IN ONE DAY

After breaking up most people have hard time to forget their ex,
this is because in their mind they still processing thoughts
about their ex.

Just like a hot pot, it takes time to cool down so is their mind.

This thought process may continue as long as they allow it.

But the beauty of the mind is that it is not bias to any
command. It accepts anything we tell it to do. We can use this
to our advantage by telling it to stop thinking about our ex

Here is an example on how to do this…

Imagine your mind to be like the tap water and your thought
process like a flow of water. You can control any amount of
water flowing by adjusting the cork. If you want to have a full
blast or small drops, it is up to you.

Just like water flow, you have a full control of yourself. No
body and I mean no body will ever control your mind except you.

If someone tells you to do something, you have full control to
do it or not

Now can you allow yourself to imagine that tap water flowing at
high speed, be your href="http://lonelyou.com/forgetyourex/lonelyou%20forgetyour%20ex
.html?" rel="nofollow"> ex memories . Those bad memories, pain, abusive
relationship.

See the water flowing… the higher the speed, the more pain you
may have. As you can see now that, the more turbulence the water
becomes the more your thoughts process in your mind are. You
might feel lonely, depressed or may be frustrated.

Now you can control the flow of water by corking it , you can
adjust it until it tightens. Everything will be calm and there
will be no more turbulence.

As you remember the way you were tighten it, your mind will be
slowing thought process. At the time there was no flow of water,
your thought process in your mind about href="http://lonelyou.com/forgetyourex/lonelyou%20forgetyour%20ex
.html?" rel="nofollow"> your ex will be gone.

Try to do this exercise ever day by imagining the flow of water
be your ex’s drama. The more you reduce the water flow the more
you reduce“ href="http://lonelyou.com/forgetyourex/lonelyou%20forgetyour%20ex
.html?" rel="nofollow">your ex’s“ memories in your mind. If you do this
several times a day you might forget your ex.

sincerely,

Timeo Busyanya,

Helping individuals, improve their self image

“ href="http://lonelyou.com/forgetyourex/lonelyou%20forgetyour%20ex
.html?" rel="nofollow">lonelyou.com“ .