Whatever we want in life, a partner, more money, good health, a fulfilling career, or enlightenment, it all comes down to the same thing: behind all the wishes, behind all the desires, and beyond every symbol, we want to feel happy. After all, if we feel completely happy, what more do we need? And if we don’t feel happy, there is not a relationship or career that can satisfy us.

All men and women want to find happiness, but you don’t find happiness anymore than an artist finds a beautiful statue; he or she sculpts it from a shapeless stone. A musician doesn’t find an intricate melody; he or she composes it from the eight note scale.

Happiness is not an acquisition, it’s a skill. We don’t experience happiness because of something that we’re getting, like a raise or money. We experience happiness because of how we’re living. For example, having a tennis racket doesn’t make you a good tennis player, learning how to play tennis does. Having material things doesn’t make you happy; living each moment of the day to the fullest does. Happiness is living in the present moment. You experience happiness when you know exactly where you are in your life at a given moment, and experience that moment to the fullest.

Getting the things you want in life won’t make you happy unless you know how to enjoy every moment. For example, if you don’t know how to enjoy five hundred dollars, you will not enjoy five thousand dollars when you get it, or even five hundred thousand dollars. If you can’t enjoy taking a walk in your neighborhood, and you travel to Hawaii, Paris, or Rome, you won’t be any happier there either. Now I’m not saying having money or taking more trips doesn’t make your life easier or more fun. It does. But those things don’t make you deeply happy because they can’t. Only enjoying life’s real moments can.

If we look closely at our lives, most of us don’t feel very happy much of the time because we focus our attention on precisely the things that make us feel bad, our problems, and the issues we have in our personal and business lives. Most of us find happiness elusive because we aren’t exactly sure what it looks like. Like a rainbow, it appears before us at times, but it’s always temporary.

Working toward material success, expanded awareness, and love helps to make our lives exciting and meaningful. Yet, the urge to find happiness may be our deepest human drive. Despite our achievement and successes, many of us have a sense that something is still missing in our life. And it is this feeling that causes us to continue to search for happiness.

Wanting to grow, expand, explore, and improve are natural human drives. But many of us think that when we find what we’re looking for, it will make us happy. Only to find that it doesn’t. And when we keep trying to find happiness it only serves to reinforce our dilemma of never being able to find it. The more we search for happiness, the more it reflects our resistance or avoidance of life right now. The past is behind us and the future has yet to come, what we have is now. We all have the choice to be happy now or never.

Most of our stress and suffering in life comes from our mind’s resistance to what is. Happiness isn’t about getting what we want as much as wanting what we get. If our lives meet our basic needs for clothing, food, and shelter, then any unhappiness you feel comes from your mind’s resistance. If you take this same resistant mind with you into the future, this unhappiness will remain with you no matter how delightful your external circumstances are.

I don’t mean to imply that the discipline of creating happiness is easy. It’s not. And any process of learning involves mistakes and failures; but it gets easier over time.

Happy people create happiness. It’s the most contagious energy on earth. But, you can’t pretend to be happy or engage in denial or repression. If you do, you’ll only be fooling yourself. When you create happiness, you fully acknowledge and honor whatever emotions are passing through. You watch them like clouds passing by, but you focus your attention on the sunshine above the clouds. By doing this, you are intentionally creating a space of unconditional happiness. And this is much different from just saying “I’m happy” or bravely pretending to be happy. It’s the only happiness that is not dependent on outside circumstances.

If I could give you a formula for happiness, it would be: Become fully conscious of what you’re doing, perceiving, or experiencing in a given moment. Once you’re conscious of it, allow yourself to break through that illusion of separation and connect with the person, thing, or feeling. Then surrender totally into that connection and experience. Now you should be in tune with and actually experiencing the moment. Our lives are made up of a succession of moments that occur all the time. It’s up to us to enjoy them.

For example, let’s say you’re walking up a mountain that overlooks the ocean. You stop for moment and look out at the beautiful vista, feeling the fresh air, and for a second you feel at one with everything, you have this kind of high feeling. That’s a real moment of happiness in your life.

You deserve to have all the happiness that life has to offer. Make the most out of each moment in your life and enjoy it. Don’t wait for happiness to come to you. Create it yourself with each moment. You can become the magician by creating happy experiences whenever and wherever you want.

Copyright(c)2004 by Joe Love and JLM & Associates,Inc. All rights reserved worldwide.

Joe Love draws on his 25 years of experience helping both individuals and companies build their businesses, increase profits, and achieve total success. A former ad agency executive and marketing consultant, Joe’s work in personal development focuses on helping his clients identify hidden marketable assets that create windfall opportunities and profits, as well as sound personal happiness and peace.

Reach Joe at: joe@jlmandassociates.com

Read more articles and newsletters at: http://www.jlmandassociates.com

How many more servings of the daytime self-help salad will it take to sooth your appetite? To actually get your life to where you want it to be? To actually start seeing changes for yourself rather than just on the tear-filled faces of Oprah’s latest guests?

How about the alternatives? If you stick with TV then you will likely wind up in frightening dead ends with the likes of Jerry, Ricky and Montel. So, you read a few more Chicken Soup books, listen to another Anthony Robbins seminar and double up on the appointments with your shrink. Still nothing?

Consider coaching. Within the past decade, life (or personal) coaching has become the self-help book put into action. Once reserved for executives facing tough decisions in elite corners of corporate America, coaching has now become a catalyst for success in life, career and relationships for mainstream America. Think of coaching as having your own Dr. Phil on call; someone there not to diagnose emotional problems or feel your pain, but to help you set better goals, take more action, make better decisions and use your natural strengths more fully.

Coaching has been touted as a cutting edge resource for life success by every form of national media. Health Magazine recently called coaching, “The path to success.” The Washington Post recently headlined, “many who want a winning record in the game of life are hiring a Life coach.” The profession is even showcased in a new reality TV show called Starting Over, although many coaches see this as painting the profession as merely the latest self-help fad.

Here’s how it works. Life coaches are retained on a monthly basis with fees ranging from $150-$400, on average. This generally includes three or four coaching sessions that last anywhere from half an hour to a full hour. Most coaches also provide additional support and communication between sessions via e-mail, instant messaging or brief “check in” phone calls. It is also common practice for coaches to provide a free introductory session for potential clients to get a sampling of what being coached is like and to see if they “click” with their potential coach. Those hiring coaches run the gamut. Coaching clients are parents, teachers, business professionals, “Midlifers”, students and business owners. They are basically, anyone ready for life change through the support, guidance, challenge and clarity that coaching provides. When moving forward rather than digging deeper begins to sound like the right recipe, then coaching might be your next best step. Don’t forget, Jerry, Ricky and Montel will always be there to remind you of the alternatives!

About The Author

Robert A. Eubanks, Ph.D. is a personal coach whose mission is to help others balance their lives, achieve personal goals and begin living their passions. For a complimentary coaching session or more information about coaching, go to www.bridgetosolutions.com or call 561-385-9184.

bridgetosolutions@yahoo.com

HOW TO FORGET YOUR EX IN ONE DAY

After breaking up most people have hard time to forget their ex,
this is because in their mind they still processing thoughts
about their ex.

Just like a hot pot, it takes time to cool down so is their mind.

This thought process may continue as long as they allow it.

But the beauty of the mind is that it is not bias to any
command. It accepts anything we tell it to do. We can use this
to our advantage by telling it to stop thinking about our ex

Here is an example on how to do this…

Imagine your mind to be like the tap water and your thought
process like a flow of water. You can control any amount of
water flowing by adjusting the cork. If you want to have a full
blast or small drops, it is up to you.

Just like water flow, you have a full control of yourself. No
body and I mean no body will ever control your mind except you.

If someone tells you to do something, you have full control to
do it or not

Now can you allow yourself to imagine that tap water flowing at
high speed, be your href="http://lonelyou.com/forgetyourex/lonelyou%20forgetyour%20ex
.html?" rel="nofollow"> ex memories . Those bad memories, pain, abusive
relationship.

See the water flowing… the higher the speed, the more pain you
may have. As you can see now that, the more turbulence the water
becomes the more your thoughts process in your mind are. You
might feel lonely, depressed or may be frustrated.

Now you can control the flow of water by corking it , you can
adjust it until it tightens. Everything will be calm and there
will be no more turbulence.

As you remember the way you were tighten it, your mind will be
slowing thought process. At the time there was no flow of water,
your thought process in your mind about href="http://lonelyou.com/forgetyourex/lonelyou%20forgetyour%20ex
.html?" rel="nofollow"> your ex will be gone.

Try to do this exercise ever day by imagining the flow of water
be your ex’s drama. The more you reduce the water flow the more
you reduce“ href="http://lonelyou.com/forgetyourex/lonelyou%20forgetyour%20ex
.html?" rel="nofollow">your ex’s“ memories in your mind. If you do this
several times a day you might forget your ex.

sincerely,

Timeo Busyanya,

Helping individuals, improve their self image

“ href="http://lonelyou.com/forgetyourex/lonelyou%20forgetyour%20ex
.html?" rel="nofollow">lonelyou.com“ .

“If you are able to stay alert and present at that time (that the pain-body awakens) and watch whatever you feel within, rather than be taken over by it, it affords an opportunity for the most powerful spiritual practice, and a rapid transmutation of all past pain becomes possible.”
Eckhart Tolle — The Power of Now

As I was rereading Eckhart Tolle’s insightful book, The Power of Now, this week I came across the above quote, and knew I had to share it with this community of purposeful people. For me, it’s really at the crux of the work that transforms people’s lives. It’s also why in the Life On Purpose Process, one of the major steps that precedes clarifying your life purpose is to unmask or uncover your Inherited Purpose, which I believe is analogous to the ‘pain-body’ that Tolle is referring to.

Otherwise, it’s simply too hard to really get to the essence of who you are and why you came to planet earth - i.e. your life purpose. But, as Tolle also points out, this process of witnessing the pain-body/Inherited Purpose is often a major challenge.

Tolle goes on to write: “This is not to deny that you may encounter intense inner resistance to disidentifying from your pain. This will be the case particularly if you have lived closely identified with your emotional pain-body for most of your life and the whole or a large part of your sense of self is invested in it. What this means is that you have made an unhappy self out of your pain-body and believe that this mind-made fiction is who you are. In this case, unconscious fear of losing your identity will create strong resistance to any disidentification.”

Take a moment and consider this. Who do you know that you would say has misidentified themselves as their pain, or who has unconsciously created an image of who they consider themselves to be that’s based in fear, lack and struggle? I know as I look around the room the one person that I see who has done that is ME, and as far as I can tell in the over 16 years of working as a coach, so has everyone else. Now, granted some have invested more effort into creating this case of ‘mistaken identity’ than others, but we all have done it. It seems inherent in the nature of being human. But as Tolle points out in “The Power of Now” and I’m here to emphasize, none of us are stuck with that old, fear-based identity. And Tolle points to one very simple and effective step towards freedom from the ‘mind-made’ Inherited Purpose. Whenever you find yourself in some kind of emotional pain, step aside. Step into the witness position and observe the pain. Don’t try to avoid it, nor overcome it for ‘what you resist will only persist’ but step aside and watch it, and in the process you’ll begin to realize that while you have a mind and that mind at times will spin off thoughts which will lead your body to react with a painful emotion, you are not that mind nor that body.

And in that moment of realizing you have a mind and body, you will free yourself from being had by the mind and body. And that’s a major step towards living your life on purpose.

©2005 Brad Swift of Life On Purpose Institute, Inc.
This article can be reprinted freely online, as long as the entire article and this resource box are included.

Dr. Brad Swift founded Life On Purpose Institute in 1996 with the vision of creating a World On Purpose by assisting people like yourself to clarify their life purpose & live true to it. Determine how on or off purpose your life is with the fun & insightful Self Test at:
http://lifeonpurpose.com/_forms/self-test.php?source=ezart
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Spring is in full bloom, which means it’s ‘get back in shape time!’ For me, that means strapping on the sneakers and going for a run (well, at this stage it’s more of a slow loping jog…).

I live in a city (Philadelphia) so I have to deal with traffic and crosswalks when I jog. A few days ago I was out for a run and I came to a red light. I jogged in place and looked for an opening in traffic so I could cross the street and continue my exercise.

After a few moments, all the cars had passed but one. This one was approaching the intersection with it’s turn signal blinking, meaning that it was going to turn before it reached me. In theory, I should have been able to safely cross the street.

I was about to go, but then I stopped. Something about the car didn’t feel right. Maybe it was the speed, maybe it was the position, or maybe it was just a gut feeling. Whatever it was, I decided to wait.

Sure enough, the car whizzed right past me while its turn signal flashed on and on. I may not have gotten squashed if I tried to cross, but there probably would have been a big scene with screeching tires and honking horns.

Once the car was past, I safely proceeded on my way.

So, what does this have to do with creativity, improv, business, and life?

I personally take two powerful lessons away from this experience:

1) Always look beneath the surface.

If I took what the car claimed it was going to do (turn before it got to me) I might have ended up in a body cast. I paid attention to details in addition to what it was explicitly telling me.

Similarly, when talking with someone, it is important to pay attention to more than just what comes out of the person’s mouth. Watch their body language. Listen to their tone of voice. Just because a person says one thing doesn’t mean that they really fully feel that way.

2) Get out of your own head.

People spend a great deal of time wrapped up in their own thoughts. I find pedestrians and drivers to be two of the guiltiest of this. If I had been lost in my own thoughts I may have just glanced at the car’s turn signal and started crossing. By putting my attention out on the world around me I was able to learn a whole lot more about the situation.

This idea is fundamental to both Creativity and Communication. Put your attention on things outside of you and your creativity will start to freely flow. Get out of your own head and your ability to listen and communicate effectively will grow exponentially.

All that just from crossing the street. Maybe I should jog more often…

Avish Parashar has a refreshingly unique approach to speaking and training: identify the fundamentals of success and then give people the tools to implement those fundamentals. Avish’s approach can be deceptive; it’s fun, funny, interactive, engaging, entertaining, and ridiculously simple. Success isn’t complicated, it’s simple. So visit the web site to learn more about the “Ridiculously Simple Ideas That Everybody Needs and Nobody Uses.”

Learn More:
http://www.avishparashar.com

Free Creativity Mini-Course:
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In this day and age, it’s simply not enough to call on someone and make a presentation. If you don’t follow up at least 7 times, you are wasting your time, as well as theirs. The more time you put into getting to know your potential customers, the better your relationship will be.

Because of that, you need to follow up after a presentation, at least 7 times, and sometimes longer. Here you’ll find some creative ideas to follow up that will be sure to impress anyone.

1. Your first follow up should be a hand written note, thanking them for their time. Use a nice card, embossed with your logo, if you want, or just a simple “Thank You” card available anywhere.

2. Second, find some “Cheese Straws” at a specialty store, and send it with a note saying: “Grasping at straws to find the perfect solution to…(include a problem you can solve for them)? We can help! This is not only a cleverly worded reminder of your presentation, but something for them to taste and remember you by.

3. Rolodex cards are excellent reminders: include a note that says: “We are always at your fingertips when you need us!” Make sure your rolodex card has the little tab at the top with either your name, or the biggest benefit of using your services: this will make it stand out from the others cards in the file.

4. Next, send a bag of popcorn with a note saying: “Just popping in to remind you that we can…. ” (mention one of the benefits of using your services or products).

5. A coffee mug imprinted with your logo, and filled with some coffee packets and even a cookie could be next: this will remind them of your visit every time they enjoy their coffee.

6. A seed packet with this message: “We would love to help you grow your business” is another original idea that will leave a great impression.

7. Chocolate business cards will be a tasty reminder of your services. This one may be a little more expensive, but well worth the cost. You’ll need to pay for a plate with your logo, but it’s a one time cost that will pay you many times over. The chocolate business cards are a great conversation starter, and something that will separate you from your competition.

These are just a few ideas: there are many more ways to keep your name in front of your potential clientele.

And to keep track of what you did, create a folder for each presentation and set up your follow-ups before you even go to your presentation.

You are now on your way to success: good luck with your next presentation!

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Creative expression can transform painful reactions and situations, providing strength and understanding to change how we feel and interact with the world. Works of art made by others can remodel our inner realities.

Some think art needs to have that kind of impact to be worthwhile. Franz Kafka wrote, “I think we ought to read only the kind of books that wound and stab us.. that affect us like a disaster… A book must be the axe for the frozen sea inside us.”

Clinical and forensic psychologist Dr. Stephen Diamond says creativity “is one of humankind’s healthiest inclinations, one of our greatest attributes,” and explains in his book, “Anger, Madness, and the Daimonic: The Psychological Genesis of Violence, Evil, and Creativity,” that our impulse to be creative “can be understood to some degree as the subjective struggle to give form, structure and constructive expression to inner and outer chaos and conflict… for meeting and redeeming one’s devils and demons.”

A number of actors have talked about this kind of “constructive expression.” Sally Field was 17 when she won an audition for Gidget and later said, “Before, I had always felt so trapped. Acting saved my life.”

Meryl Streep has said acting “has to do with working out private passions that are almost inscrutable to me.. I just get to work out all my murderous thoughts and my weaknesses and my failures and things I don’t want to do as a parent or work out on the family. I need [acting] as an outlet. I love it. It feeds my imagination. It connects me to understanding.”

Charlize Theron as a teen saw her mother shoot her father in self defense, and says work has helped her deal with it: “I think acting has healed me. I get to let it out. I get to say it and feel it in my work and I think that’s why I don’t go through my life walking with this thing, and suffering.”

Like a number of other powerful actors, Charles Dutton has prison experience, in jail at 17 for murder. He developed an interest in theater, and after his release was accepted at the Yale School of Drama.

Speaking of prison, in her book Gifted Grownups: The Mixed Blessings of Extraordinary Potential, Marylou Kelly Streznewski says that gifted people “form a disproportionately larger portion of the prison population, perhaps as much as 20%… in contrast to the 3 to 5% of the general public. Is the conflict created by being ‘different’ connected to antisocial attitudes and behaviors? Do they get into trouble because it is fun? Or interesting? Or a clever game? Does crime have its roots in deep hurts?”

Those “deep hurts” can also fuel creative projects. Director Allison Anders made her film “Things Behind the Sun” as a way to deal with her rape. Native American painter Roxanne Chinook says her art helps healing from the traumas of her past: “The process of creating strengthens and restores my spirit.”

Rosanne Cash deals with the recent deaths of both her mother and father, Johnny, in her new album “Black Cadillac,” and noted in a Los Angeles Times interview: “I’m not the first person to make an album about death; I’m not even the first person in my family. My dad made music about his own death coming. He was an artist, and he could use his own life in an unsentimental way to make art. He was unafraid. For the rest of us that could be hard. But I understand it. And I learned from it.”

The book Emotional Alchemy by Tara Bennet-Goleman is about dealing wtih negative thoughts and emotions that “disturbing our inner equilibrium,” as the Dalai Lama writes in the foreword. Psychologist Bennet-Goleman says the antidote for such disturbance “is mindfulness, which involves being aware of our emotions without being ruled by them.”

Creative expression, like psychotherapy and spiritual development, can be a way to become more aware, and also deal with high sensitivity.

Among other experts, Linda Kreger Silverman, PhD, director of the Gifted Development Center in Denver, says gifted and creative people tend to be emotionally sensitive throughout life.

That kind of intensity and sensitivity can lead to strong passions like anger. Dr. Diamond says there is “a very strong correlation between anger, rage and creativity. Most of us tend to view anger or rage negatively, associating it almost exclusively with destructiveness and violence. Certainly this correlation exists. But anger can also motivate constructive and creative behavior.”

He continues, “The more conflict, the more rage, the more anxiety there is, the more the inner necessity to create. We must also bear in mind that gifted individuals.. feel this inner necessity even more intensely, and in some respects experience and give voice not only to their own demons but the collective daimonic as well.”

In his book, Diamond writes about painter and sculptor Niki de St. Phalle, who was able to find “a fertile outlet for her ferocious rage toward men - and the dominant masculine art establishment” - in the creative expression of violence in her work: “Her famous ’shooting paintings’ resulted from firing live ammunition at paint-filled, white-washed balloons mounted on a blank, virginal canvas.

“Thus, rather than becoming a crazed killer or vengeful victimizer of men,” Dr. Diamond explains, “de St. Phalle’s fury — some of which stemmed from having been sexually abused by her father — fostered a fecund creativity, that served her well throughout her prolific career.”

Judith Orloff M.D. in her book Positive Energy, says creativity is “the mother of all energies, nurturer of your most alive self. It charges up every part of you. This energy rises from your own life force and from a larger spiritual flow.”

Even if you aren’t an “artist” - or don’t even want to be identified that way - you can help improve your emotional health through creative expression: perform in a community theater play, write a memoir, take a watercolor class, or do something else to express your demons in positive ways.

Douglas Eby writes about psychological and social aspects of creative expression and achievement. His site has a wide range of articles, interviews, quotes and other material to inform and inspire: Talent Development Resources
http://talentdevelop.com/.

“People pleasing can leave you feeling empty and taken advantage of.” Deb Melton

One of the ways fear shows up in our lives and keeps us from living fully is when we become a people pleaser. You know when you are doing it. You pick up the check and put it on your credit card, because you want everyone at the table to admire you and like you more. You say “yes” to your sister who asks you to baby sit for her 3 year old on Sunday afternoon, because you don’t want to offend her by saying “no”. You agree to help a friend move next weekend, because you’d feel guilty if you did not.

Inherent in people pleasing is an expectation that the favor will be returned and if it is not, you are apt to feel disappointed or resentful. You may say to yourself, “I am always doing nice things for my friends, but they don’t seem to notice or be around when I need something.” Two things are at work here, inability to say “no” when you want to say “no”, and inability to ask for what you want or need. This is how fear keeps us stuck in resentment, anger and disappointment.

Saying “yes”, because of fear of loss, when you really want to say “no” allows fear to be in charge of your life, not you. It may not be that your friends and family are inconsiderate jerks! It may be that you are too controlled by fear to say “no”. When you learn to value yourself and see that your needs and wants are as valid as anyone else’s, you are less likely to fall into people pleasing as a way of getting and keeping friends. When you value yourself you are more authentically you, which makes you more interesting and attractive and, consequently, others will like you and value you more too.

Making a request and asking for what you need or want is one of the best ways to move from a feeling of powerlessness to a feeling of having power over your life and what happens to you. But remember, a request is just that, a request. The other person is not obligated to say “yes”; no matter how close they are to you or how many favors you have done for them in the past. When you make a request with stirrings attached, you are expecting a certain outcome and you may be very disappointed if things do not go as you expected. The key here is to come from a place of open intention, not expectation of a certain outcome.

If you want to be able to be able to live this way and stop living from fear and instead live from freedom and joy, call me and I’ll show you how. In a few months you could find yourself living outrageously, being happy, having more fun, feeling more love, living from your passion and feeling a sense of purpose. Many of my clients have found that the support of a coach can make all the difference. Here is what some have said.

“My coaching sessions with you have really turned my life in a more positive direction. You’ve given me tools and guidance that has benefited me more than all my years of counseling! “ Carol Brown, MD

“The biggest gift I have received from your coaching, Deb, is how to trust myself.” Kiara D songwriter, NYC

“Deb provided me with gentle support and was confrontive when I needed it. Through the work I did with Deb, I found a sense of freedom like I have never experienced in my life!” Dana M. nurse, OKC

“I think I have been unhappy for a while and trying to blame others for what I am feeling. I realized only I can make me happy. I don’t think I would have realized any of this if it had not been for your patient and persistence in coaching me. Thanks so much for helping me get my life back on track!” Mary D. Stock Broker, CO

You may also consider joining an on-the-phone Fear Buster Group I have one starting nearly every month. Call me for details. Deb Melton, Certified Fearless Living Coach 303-986-2223

If you liked this article sing up to receive a similar one in your email box each week. Go to http://wwww.denversinglescoach.com/ezine_signup.php

Deb Melton is a Certified Fearless Living Coach trained by The Fearless Living Institute with Rhonda Britten of the hit TV show “Starting Over”.

Deb is testiment to what fearless living can do for you! Trapped in an unhappy married for 29 years, now divorced she is a ski instructor, hiking guide, world traveler and life and singles coach. To learn more visit her website http://www.denversinglescoach.com

If you liked this article sing up to receive a similar one in your email box each week. Go to http://www.denversinglescoach.com/ezine_signup.php

Fashion is stupid.

I say that as someone who’s been eyeing this particular bag for two weeks now. I know that it will stay in style for only so long, and then the fashion season will change, and that purse will be bagged away like so many leaves before winter. But until then, the chase is on. Luckily, that purse isn’t going anywhere.

Now here’s another, much more complex chase.

A friend of mine - I’ll call her Tanya - has had her eye on a rather fashionable man for about the same length of time as my purse fascination. She’s pursued, played it cool, behaved coquettishly, acted shy, etc. Basically, she’s tried everything with little to show for it.

Then, over coffee the other day, Tanya says she’s not sure she even wants him. Her experience has taught her that often the pursuit is more fun than the possession. Once she’s gotten the person she wants, boredom sets in and she feels the need to move on to something (or someone) else.

Granted, sometimes you find the fit isn’t right and you do need to move on, but how many perfectly acceptable people do we pass over because the chase has concluded and our interest has waned?

Well, a relationship is only what you make of it. The pursuit brings excitement because you’re trying hard to come up with ways to attract and entice that person. You pay attention to their most minute needs and behaviors, and every time they recognize and appreciate that, you feel great.

Why should that change after your relationship moves beyond casual dating? How you caught them is how you keep them. You continue to treat them as though they might leave tomorrow, or as though they aren’t necessarily committed to you. In other words, the pursuit never ends.

This brings up an important point. So many people have amazing talents at the dating phase. They can talk a great game and put up an amazingly attractive front. But it’s the people who call themselves “players” who wind up in rocking chairs alone in the nursing home.

I’m not saying a lifetime commitment should be your goal. But if that interests you, then behave like it around your current attraction. Be yourself, because when you start slowing your pursuit and let your true self show through for the first time, that someone is bound to leave.

So go for what you want, but appreciate it once you have it. If you don’t make the pursuit part of your daily romance lifestyle, then your catch is going to slip away. If you don’t take care of your lover, someone else might come along who will.

Love mirrors fashion in a sense - both can always change. But while you can’t have an effect on where Donna Versace’s attentions will land, you can influence where your partner will stay.

For the past fifteen years, Jackie Fine has coupled her unique experience with information from the American Institute for Sexual Studies to create a revolutionary outlook on modern relationships.

Through her many radio and television appearances and her seminars on sex and relationships, her techniques have found a wide audience and have been featured on HBO’s Real Sex TV series.

Jackie focuses on monogomous relationships as the foundation for romantic bliss. Her emphasis on a commitment to learning about oneself and one’s partner provides the foundation for how she defines intimacy. Her philosophy has helped people across America re-evaluate their romantic endeavors, allowing them to lead themselves to the relationship they’ve always dreamed about. People everywhere have their problems solved with Jackie, finding again or for the first time a deeper love and happiness. All it takes to restart a stalled relationship is the courage and openness to just ask Jackie.

Happiness comes to a person when it is caused by something, such as the person achieving a much-desired goal. Happiness also comes when the person recognizes something of value - seeing children playing together joyfully makes the parent happy. Happiness can be caused by expectation of future good fortune, as the happiness of a couple in a romantic relationhship. Happiness has causes. It can be had by anyone who is able to bring about and recognize a suitable cause. Below are 6 ways to bring a little more happiness into your life.

Be aware of resources that can be used to achieve your goals -

Everyone has a large number of valuable skills that are not often appreciated: the ability to communicate and interact with people, the ability to set priorities when scheduling tasks, and many other such abilities. Your abilities are valuable. They can help you get what you want. So give them the consideration they deserve. Be proud of all of your abilities and skills. Take some delight in using them and they will stay with you and likely develop further.

Feel good when you succeed -

Savor the successes that your abilities and your resources allow you to achieve. The more you enjoy your successes, the more you will strive for and achieve success. It’s a self-perpetuating circle that brings rewards and happiness.

Ask for what you want -

It’s a way to make your life better. If it doesn’t take away from someone else’s happiness, then there’s no reason to not ask. It is a tool you should feel good about using because it can produce good results. For example, you can ask someone to baby sit your kids while you get an r ‘n’ r break. You can ask advice on how to do something. You can ask at a university or state employment center for help in choosing a career.

Be willing to take chances to get what you want -

Yeah, sometimes you will fail. Sometimes you will suffer consequences. Just make a logical judgment about whether the possible benefits are worth the risks. If you decide it’s worth it, then go for it. If you fail, so what. If you fail many times, so what. You still might succeed the next time, or the time after that. As long as the possible benefits are worth the cost, keep trying. And feel good about it.

Be alert to what is good in your life -

Try to adopt a mode of operation of giving attention to the good things. If you aren’t aware of what you got going for you, then you are missing out on feeling good about those good things. Being happy requires at least some recognition of what makes life valuable and worthwhile. The more you are aware of the good things in life, the more joy and pleasure you will feel. And to help stay alert generally, do what you can to stay healthy, exercise often, and strive for variety and new experiences.

Go about making your life better -

Take an interest in self-improvement. Be concerned with ways to make your life better. That will allow you to see opportunities to make it better. Some of those opportunities won’t work out. The ones that do, make your efforts well worth it.

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Alan Detwiler is the author of several books on ways to have fun. The books are available at Amazon.com

His web sites are http://www.leisureideas.com and http://www.makegizmos.com