When I first heard the idea that movies could offer insight into
life’s problems I found the idea far fetched. The idea behind
this concept is that people can be so caught up wrestling with
their issues — dysfunctional relationships, bad choices in
life, addictions, and struggles to resolve childhood problems -
that perspective is lost. Watching certain movies, we can see
how others deal with similar difficult problems or issues. For
example…

Someone dealing with being with family over the holidays could
watch Rocket Gibraltar and come to an understanding of why going
home for the holidays as an adult can be so difficult.

People struggling with the concept of denial could watch the
Accidental Tourist or When a Man Loves a Woman.

Someone struggling with the issue of being judged could watch
Defending Your life.

Someone watching A Beautiful Mind can learn how the disease of
schizophrenia impacts individuals, families, co-workers, and
friends.

I was introduced to this idea of Hollywood movies offering
healing messages by a therapist, Dr. Gary Solomon, who wrote a
book, Reel Therapy. As a proofreader of the original manuscript,
and as someone who underwent therapy with Dr. Solomon, I have
first hand experience in how this process work.

I found that the underlying dynamic of using movies to gain
healing insights sprang from the fact that while I typically
protect myself when someone questions why I’m doing something, I
relax and let in ideas and experience my feelings more directly
when I’m watching a movie. I can also see things about myself in
characters in a movie that I can’t see when someone else tries
to tell me something about myself. I generally respond to the
messenger, not the message.

One of my major issues when I started therapy revolved around
being a fixer. I couldn’t understand why someone I was helping
in a relationship at the time was angry with me. Dr. Solomon
suggested I watch the movie When a Man Loves a Woman, with Meg
Ryan and Andy Garcia. In the story, Ryan is a lively personality
who brings excitement to the life of quiet, thoughtful Garcia.
When the drinking which fuels her fun personality becomes life
threatening, they have to deal with her alcoholism. She goes
into treatment. When she returns, there’s a scene where Ryan’s
children are squabbling. Ryan is dealing with the situation when
Garcia shows up. He basically announces, ‘I’m the healthy person
here; will the recovering alcoholic please step aside so I can
fix this problem.’

I then saw why my girlfriend was angry. To satisfy my need to
‘fix’ her and feel good about myself, I needed her to not be
able to deal with her own problems. I wasn’t giving her the time
to find - and be responsible for - her own solutions.

I could only see this dynamic when I watched this movie. I
simply could not understand this concept when it was explained
to me. I had developed a powerful self-image that revolved
around fixing others. When I saw the truth of what I was doing -
and why — mirrored back to me in a movie, I didn’t block out
the message, and I could then begin to deal with the underlying
issue of resolving my own problems instead of avoiding them by
helping others. Another issue I couldn’t understand about myself
was how some people responded to my esoteric sense of humor. For
many years, good friends had asked me to understand how people
who didn’t know me interpreted my humor. I shrugged off their
advice. Then Gary had me watch a film called The Men’s Club,
about a group of men who decide to imitate a women’s support
group to see what happens. A man who can’t deal with his
feelings sabotages the club. He masks this by suggesting the men
go to a bordello instead of talking about their feelings. The
character I was asked to pay attention to was someone in the
group who generally stayed in the background making esoteric,
off-the-wall remarks. Remarks that often made no sense
whatsoever to anyone else.

The same kind of remarks I enjoyed making.

I could finally see what I looked like. This realization had a
potent effect on me. Since that time, I try to introduce myself
to people who don’t know me in a straightforward manner before
indulging my esoteric sense of humor. A third movie Dr. Solomon
recommended I watch was Drop Dead Fred. This film took me into
painful territory I didn’t want to explore. In therapy, when Dr.
Solomon would try and probe where I put my anger, I would not be
able to comprehend what he was saying; even though I knew he was
talking to me, his words were meaningless sounds. Even when I
re-listened to tapes of those sessions, I could not hear those
questions. I had some serious body/mind armor protecting me from
dealing with anger.

So Dr. Solomon recommended I watch Drop Dead Fred. In the film,
a young woman is abandoned by her husband. She returns home to
live with her mother and reverts to a more childish, dependent
personality. When she returns home, she also finds someone she
left behind long ago, Drop Dead Fred, her imaginary playmate.
Drop Dead Fred is more than an imaginary playmate, however. When
she was a little girl, Fred acted out her anger toward her
overbearing mother. While she silently stewed, Fred would smear
animal excrement all over the mother’s beautiful white carpets,
etc.

When the young woman again decides to be an adult and be
responsible for her decisions, Drop Dead Fred disappears. He has
no purpose in her adult life.

I never had an imaginary playmate raining ruin on the people I
was angry with, but I found other outlets like cutting remarks
or passive-aggressive behavior. I also came to realize that in
my life I’d swallowed a significant chunk of my anger with large
doses of sugar, salt and fatty foods. Watching the movie helped
nudge me toward processing my feelings of anger.

Each of Dr. Solomon’s books, The Motion Picture Prescription and
Reel Therapy, have indexes that cross reference movies by title
and healing messages. While some films focus on one topic,
alcoholism, for example, another movie might touch on several
issues, being raised by an abusive parent, alcoholism,
co-dependency. The basic topics covered in Reel Therapy are:
abandonment, abuse, adoption, alcohol, cop-dependency,
death/dying, denial, divorce, drugs, family, food, friends,
gambling, mental illness, relationships, sex/sexuality.

I’m not suggesting this process of watching movies with healing
messages is an easy cure for life’s problems. I wrestle daily
with many of the issues I took into therapy. I’m just better at
recognizing what I’m wrestling with. That helps me make better
choices; or, if I still make bad choices, at least I can
recognize what I’m doing and change course.

I believe in this process not only because it helped me, but
also because many people in the world will never be able to
afford therapy. Most people, however, can afford to rent movies
that, along with a guide like Dr. Solomon’s (other books on the
subject are available now), will provide them some healing
insight into their lives and struggles. And some comfort that we
are not alone in our struggles.

There’s also a very practical benefit to this studying this
concept. Screenwriters can use the understanding they gain from
movies with therapeutic messages to build stronger, more
believable characters and plots. Someone writing a screenplay
about alcoholics could watch The Lost Weekend, the Billy Wilder
classic, to understand the dynamics of being an alcoholic or
someone dealing with an alcoholic. Another Billy Wilder classic,
The Apartment, has Jack Lemmon trying to climb the corporate
ladder by letting executives use his apartment for extra-martial
affairs. A great plan until he falls in love with his boss’s
girlfriend. This film explores the cost of being willing to do
anything to succeed.

Stories that resonate deeply with audiences often have, at their
hearts, the issues many of us wrestle with in daily life. Star
Wars features an estranged father and son. The first Indiana
Jones film features a pair of mismatched lovers. Sleepless in
Seattle features a man trying to deal with his grief over the
loss of his wife. Memento features a man determined to create a
meaningful ’story’ about his wife’s death.

Take away each film’s heart, and what’s left is a soulless
exercise in plot mechanics.

In closing, I want to mention one last unresolved issue I have
from my work with Dr. Solomon. When I was proofreading The
Motion Picture Prescription, Dr. Solomon insisted that in the
movie Harvey, Harvey is an IMMAGINARY rabbit. I insisted Harvey
is an INVISIBLE rabbit. Dr. Solomon noted out disagreement in
his book. I’m sure anyone who watches the movie will agree with
me that Harvey is INVISIBLE, not IMAGINARY. I assume Dr. Solomon
has some deep-rooted, unresolved issues around invisible
rabbits. I hope someone will make a movie that deals with this
issue for the sake of others with this problem.

One in every twenty people is considered to be a highly sensitive person (HSP). This means that either you yourself may be sensitive or someone you know is. 42% of the population is not highly sensitive, meaning that most things don’t bother them the way they will an HSP. Everyone else falls somewhere in between, with the odd few being completely unemotional about anything. (By the way - 20% of the entire animal kingdom is highly-sensitive as well).

Who are HSP’s and What Are They Like?

Who are HSP’s? We’re the thinkers, the cautious ones, the conservative people; the ones that say “Hey, wait a minute. Let’s think this through before doing something rash.”

Every society needs highly sensitive people, just as we need the warriors, the leaders who are ready to take the risks. However, we’re the ones that help to temper the not-so-sensitive types, the ones who can be bold, rash and impulsive and may have not thought things through to the consequences of their actions. Highly sensitive people are most often the people found in the roles of advisors, counselors and advocators for restraint.

Unfortunately, in western society, we’ve also been labeled as somewhat “defective”, according the way non-hsp’s see us. We’re considered “too sensitive, too cautious, too shy, too timid, too introverted, too fearful.” What needs to be realized is that these are not “problems” that need to be corrected and fixed with sensitive people. It’s the labels that are attached to us that cause the problems. Many non-sensitive people are also shy, timid, introverted and fearful, while there are many highly sensitive people who are out-going, super-friendly, extroverted, and risk-takers. We just tend to think things through first and weigh all the factors that our senses pick up on before forging ahead.

Traits and Characteristics Misinterpreted

So, what are some of the traits and characteristics of a highly sensitive person? Let’s look at some of the facts and the mythical labels that have been attached to this special group.

Shyness - You’ll probably find a larger portion of shy people in the HSP group. That does not mean that everyone is shy. That’s a myth. A lot of non-sensitive people are also shy. Sometimes, what’s mistaken as shyness is actually a sizing up of the situation and the people that we have just met. We’re cautious. If our senses are saying something isn’t right about the person, we won’t be so open to them. First impressions count. It’s not just the way the person is dressed, but their whole demeanor, aura, attitude and other little subtleties that we absorb with all of our senses. We process the thoughts, feelings and sensations that we receive in each new situation. This may make some of us appear “shy”, when we’re not.

Introverted - Another myth. You’ll find many HSP’s can be extroverted, out-going and fun-loving. You’ll also find many non-sensitive people as being introverted. Don’t mistake deep-thinking and inner-reflection as introversion. We do require much more alone time. This is because our nervous systems can go into over-load in a situation that a non-sensitive person would find somewhat stimulating. If we become frazzled and over-stimulated, we need to find a quiet spot as soon as possible to settle back down. This is why many HSP’s tend to stay at home more often than not, rather than go out to party. It’s not that we don’t want to… we just know our systems can’t handle the overload for too long a time. If we can’t get away, we’ll pull into ourselves, as a sort of protective shield, to try to reduce the noise, sights, sounds and smells that are bombarding us in order to calm down.

Fearfulness - Unless you’re completely unemotional and have a lack of conscious consideration toward others, who can say that they’ve never been fearful at times? This is not an exclusive trait of sensitive people. New experiences often cause butterflies, fearful thoughts and inner-turmoil in most people. HSP’s just tend to feel those emotions more deeply.

Timidness - Caution, careful evaluation of the situation, needing the see the “entire picture”, and the possible resulting consequences of our actions is just in our nature. If everyone heedlessly rushed into everything, we’d have even more chaos in our world than we do now.

Too-Sensitive - Yes, this is our major trait. We assimilate everything around us at once. Lights, noises, smells, energy vibrations, they all get absorbed, processed and evaluated. Unfortunately when there’s too much activity and noise around us, we can’t handle it for a great length of time. For example, what may be a low to moderate level of music for a non-sensitive person could sound like the level of a rock concert to us. Emotionally, we’re affected by much of the disharmony in the world. We feel another person’s heartache, we are aware of low levels of anger or resentment in a room, we empathize with other people’s problems, and feel great sorrow over horrific tragedies.

What Does All This Mean?

A highly sensitive person will pick up on subtleties in the surroundings that many non-sensitive people can’t see or feel. This can give us some great advantages. It can save us in many situations where there’s trouble brewing. Our abilities can keep us from making disastrous business or personal decisions, if we follow our instincts. And because of our deep sense of the environment around us, we’re often the ones that make others aware of potential environmental problems that unscrupulous companies ignore for their own benefits. HSP’s are often the ones that push for reforms and changes in government law for the better good of everyone.

As with anything, it’s good to know that you’re not alone, that there are others out there that have to deal with the same types of situations and “labels” as you do. True, it doesn’t hurt any less, but you know there are similar types that you can seek out and talk to…and they’ll understand. Yes, we do tend to exhibit more of the above traits and characterisitcs than non-sensitive people do, but we’re not exclusive owners of them either. Sometimes, it’s a misinterpetation of what’s really going on in the mind of an HSP by non-HSP’s. Only another highly sensitive person could really understand. The good news is that highly sensitive people have been around for as long as man has walked the earth… and we’ll always be here, working to make the world a more understanding, considerate and peaceful haven for everyone.

(c)2005. Rose Smith is the owner of New Age Wisdom a website featuring metaphysical, spiritual and self-growth articles, products and resources. If you wish to learn more about highly sensitive people, empaths and using your intuition, please visit our website for additional articles and resources at www.new-age-wisdom.com

Identifying Depression

Depression, like most mental illness runs the continuum of severity. It can be mild or major. It can last from weeks to months. It can involve anxiety symptoms as well. Depression is primarily characterized by sadness and/or loss of pleasure in nearly all activities. Additionally, there may be symptoms such as changes in appetite, sleep patterns, and psychomotor activity (changes in both mental and physical responsiveness and/or activity).

A depressed person may struggle with feelings of low self worth, recurrent thoughts of dying, as well as difficulty concentrating or making decisions. In children and adolescents the mood is often manifested as irritability rather than sadness. Some people may deny having feelings of sadness; instead they may report feeling numb or having no feelings at all.

Taking Action

First, it is important to look at how severely one’s functioning may be impaired. If the person’s level of functioning has been significantly impaired, i.e. they are having difficulty performing their daily routine, seek professional help immediately. A trip to the family doctor to rule out any medical conditions that might be causing the mood disorder is a good place to start.

Second, assess whether there have been any significant changes in circumstances, relationships etc. that may be contributing to the depression.

Third, if your loved one indicates they have a plan or intentions to harm themselves, take action immediately to get help. Call a mental health professional that you have been referred to by a reliable source or check your phone book for community mental health services. You can also call 1-800-784-2433 a suicide prevention hotline. If the threat is imminent, call 911.

Don’t Wait – Get Help

One of the biggest reasons people do not seek help is the shame they feel about having a mental illness. The reality is that our minds are vulnerable to illness just like our bodies. There is no shame in developing the flu or some other medical condition, so why is there with the mind? Those who avoid seeking help because of the shame they feel only languish longer than necessary.

How Counseling Can Help

A counselor can help a person gain perspective about their illness; resolve problems that may be contributing to the depression and assist the person in developing coping skills.

However, in addition to counseling, depending on the severity of the depression, medication may also be a treatment option. You can discuss this with your counselor, who could then refer you to a psychiatrist to prescribe and manage the necessary medication.

Relief is available for difficulties that plague our minds. It is truly the wise that seek out the help, wisdom and counsel of those whom God has equipped to facilitate the healing of the mind.

Jean LeStourgeon, MA, is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor in private practice in Palm Bay, Florida. She also operates the website Christian Counseling Online where you can find lots more information and tools on topics like Depression Help and Signs of Depression , all from a Biblical perspective.

Copyright 2005 Christian-Counseling-Online.com. You may have permission to use this article electronically or in print as long as all bylines are used and all links remain. The author would appreciate a copy of your publication.

How do we turn our dreams into reality? How do we step outside
the circle of influence that constantly directs us? Our minds
are so strongly influenced by our environment that it is easy to
lose touch with our own passion.

The word “dreamer” and “visionary” are often used in a
derogative way to describe people who are not in touch with the
way things are.

Everyone is under a subtle pressure to conform to a limited
consensual reality. For most people, it is easy to follow the
path of least resistance and just work on surviving and dealing
with the demands placed on you.

However, our passion, and our dreams, and our vision, is who we
are, and when we refuse to give them the space to expand in our
minds and hearts, something dies inside us.

The most important thing you can do is to keep your dream alive.

Here are some simple steps to take:

One, fully expand on your dream. Write it out in detail. You can
make a list of what you want. You can write out your ideal
scene. Or you can collect pictures and paste them up on a board.

Two, review your graphic representation of your dream every
morning as soon as you wake up and every night just before you
go to bed. This simple ritual makes a strong impression upon
your subconscious mind, and activates it to start looking for
ways to make your dream real.

Three, spend at least 15 minutes running a mental movie in your
mind of what it would be like to actually be experiencing your
dream.

Four, write up a simple plan. Even if you have no idea how to
achieve your dream, begin with a simple step. If, for example,
you wish to be a millionaire, but work in a dull job and have
absolutely no idea how to make more money…begin by reading a
biography of a millionaire.

The importance of your first step is that you are telling your
subconscious mind that you are serious. It will then give you a
suggestion as to the next step to take after that one. Insights
will come once you take a step. Begin the journey with your
first step.

Five, create a daily ritual, in which you are taking a step
forward. It might be reading inspiring material. It might be
writing in your journal. It might be learning a new skill.

Again, you are reinforcing the power of your dream upon your own
mind. You are saying, “This is what I want!”

Finally, refuse to partake in things that drain you…things
that limit your dream, that make it seem unimportant. Set aside
those habits that get in the way of your dream…whether the bad
habits simple lower your self-esteem or fatigue or distract you,
they must go.

Once you seize the courage to dream, the next step is to keep
your dream alive. These five suggestions will then make your
dream more vivid in your mind. Once this happens, you will start
to have new insights and develop more and more ways to make your
dream more and more possible.

In the beginning, most dreams appear to be impossible dreams,
but once you engage the imagination, the will, and move forward
with simple plans, you begin the journey towards actualizing
your power in ways that you cannot presently even envision. The
impossible slowly becomes possible. It does take courage and
effort…but what could be more rewarding than moving in the
direction of your fondest aspiration?

Every adept therapist practicing regression or past-life therapy eventually develops his or her own theories, techniques, and style. Past-life and regression therapy is explained in general terms in this article; opinions may vary.

Regression therapy is a therapeutic process that uses one’s earlier life experiences as source material to resolve current problems. This concept is similar to psychodynamic therapy. However, regression therapy is more solution-focused, whereas psychodynamic therapy is more interested in the process and the experience. Past life therapy encompasses all the same techniques and theories as regression therapy, however, the boundaries are lifted from the conscious mind, enabling the client to explore a past-life.

Regressing someone back to his childhood or a past-life is by no means a phenomenon. If you listen carefully, people regress all the time, whether it’s at a casual party or standing in line at a grocery store. In a therapeutic setting, a therapist will help a client regress and to make the unconscious conscious. By using different therapeutic techniques such as hypnotherapy, guided imagery, relaxation exercises or just talk-therapy, a client can be regressed into a past memory that may be influencing his present life in a negative way.

Unlike many traditional talk-therapy modalities, hypnotic techniques help bypass the client’s analytical mind, thus enabling the therapist to elicit forgotten memories, including suppressed and repressed issues. The more unconscious identification there is, the less our ego is able to assert and defend itself against the inner compulsions and beliefs. Many forgotten memories, especially traumatic ones, are instilled in the unconscious mind. We all have defense mechanisms that shut down our innate ability to tap into our emotions due to our inability to cope with stress, fear, or pain. Compartmentalizing or trying to forget painful experiences is usually our natural tendency. After years of repressing these issues, the actual facts of the event and the emotions that are associated with the event become fragmented – waiting to be unleashed and reconciled.

Studies show that generally a strong experience of catharsis is needed to alleviate one from unwanted beliefs, complexes, or destructive behaviors. Pioneer of psychology Sigmund Freud (1856-1939) learned hypnosis from Joseph Breuer (1842-1925), who had treated a young woman suffering from neurotic symptoms, which they diagnosed as hysteria in 1880. Breuer had the patient discuss past events in a state of deep hypnosis. She was able to recall traumatic events from her childhood, which she could not remember in her conscious state. She was able to integrate the experiences and connect them to her emotions. The end result was that her neurotic symptoms disappeared. Breuer and Freud’s earliest technical efforts were referred to as the “cathartic method” (Brueur and Freud, 1893-1895). Sources say that Freud was not good with hypnosis and found it to be confusing and embarrassing and his success rate with such hypnotic techniques was very poor. He finally abandoned hypnosis and worked mainly with free association for memory recall and to explore the unconscious. Freud’s condemnation of hypnosis combined with the growing reputation of psychoanalysis caused the medical profession to reject hypnosis. Milton Erickson (1901-1980) was trained as psychiatrist, but was most known for his innovative techniques in hypnotherapy, which helped revive hypnosis. It was not until the middle of the 20th century that hypnosis was again accepted as a valuable technique in therapy and for medical and clinical applications.

The framework in facilitating a proper regression is to encourage a client to reenact or experience a traumatic event to as if it were happening and being experienced again. The client is guided to stay focused on all the sensations and feelings that come with the experience on a physical and emotional level. The objective is to get the client passed the point of his conflict, confusion or fear. What makes the experience different and healing for the client is he is able to got honor his true emotions and perceptions of the event without being judged or criticized. The therapist provides a safe space for the client to reconnect and integrate his emotions with the event. When the client moves through his discomfort, this creates the turning point where the client releases or gains better understanding with whatever issues have been constricting him.

Today, there are still mixed opinions about the efficacy of regression therapy. There are non-believers who feel that regression therapy is unnecessary and that the therapist is planting information in the client’s mind. Some feel that it is like brainwashing. These are just myths caused by misinformation and inept therapists. Whether a client is under hypnosis or in a trance, he is fully conscious and in control at all times during the session. He can reject whatever is being said to him. In a properly facilitated session, a therapist will elicit or evoke information that only comes from the client. Every experience is subjective. The only way to truly judge whether or not regression therapy is effective is by one’s own experience. The most important ingredient of any type of therapy is the interpersonal relationship. The technique is secondary.

Ray Doktor is a clinical hypnotherapist, master past-life therapist, spiritual counselor, and life coach. He has a bachelor’s degree in human behavior and a master’s degree in Psychology.

Ray’s education included the opportunity to have been personally mentored by world-renowned therapist, Dr. Morris Netherton. This training included assisting Dr. Netherton in conducting workshops and lectures around the world. Ray has lectured and provided demonstrations at workshops on stress management, sexual abuse, trauma, addictions, health issues and surgeries, prenatal and birth, past-lives, and spirituality.

Ray has been in private practice for over 10 years, working with a multitude of clients. He has worked at various clinics, shelters, and crisis intervention facilities. He currently volunteers at the Hollywood Sunset Counseling Department. His philosophy of practice includes recognizing individuality and the dynamics of expression, both on an individual and group level.

For more information on Ray or his work, please visit his site at http://www.wholeminds.com

Here I sit in Wisconsin in my Aunt Mary’s hospice room, as she lay dying. I’m feeling myriad emotions and thoughts are surfacing that I haven’t had in years. I’ve met with a number of my relatives, siblings, cousins, and brother-in-law. It seems that I only see them when someone dies. How unfortunate and yet I’m still glad for the reunion.

My aunt is pain free for now and completely unconscious, as she has been since my arrival last night. It seems that she decided this is the time to leave the planet, and has refused food for a week now. The staff seem to go along with her wishes. So we wait for the inevitable. Meanwhile her breathing is labored and you hear a constant gurgling, since she has a challenge swallowing. The staffs of nurses come in periodically and check on her, readjust her medication or oxygen supply. It’s a process I hope I don’t have to go through. We have al wished my Aunt Mary peace and said she can go if she wants to. We all told her we love her. The nursing staff suggested that she might not even make it to today, but like Terri Shivo, she is hanging on a few more days.

I feel somewhat helpless, since I can’t do anything to help the situation. This is the first time as an adult that I’ve had warning that death is impending. The other lives I’ve been associated with all left suddenly. My best friend committed suicide, and I found him. My grandparents each died suddenly after a short trip to the hospital, as did my dad. My mom was killed in a head-on collision, coming to volunteer at this hospital almost 15 years ago. My sister had an aneurism and died instantly 2 years ago.

I’ve had a lot of loss in my life. Even as I type this I feel tears welling up in my eyes. It’s not a wonder I’ve been feeling the sadness associated with loss lately. I’m sure I haven’t fully dealt with the loss of my sister and maybe not loss in general. I feel the aloneness from my siblings, that is I feel alone compared to them. They seem to have their own life that is mostly separate form mine.

Maybe the lack of rest is catching up with me, since I’m yawning and my eyes are watering. I’m taking advantage of being here to catch up with some friends as well. Wayne Dyer says friends are God’s way of making up for your relatives. Probably right.

So here I sit waiting. Sooner or later my aunt will take her last breath. I was hoping to have a conscious talk with her, but that may never happen. I’m not sure what radio station we’re listening to there are no commercials, and an eclectic variety of tunes. I finally decided to turn on Lawrence Welk on PBS. Even though I really didn’t like the program, my aunt always loved watching it.

After 10 hours of my vigil, I told my aunt that she will be ok, and we will as well. They say the last thing to go is the hearing. Shortly thereafter my Aunt Mary did transition. The nursing staff came in to reposition her and did a suctioning of her throat to clear it. I had left the room for a few minutes to give my aunt her privacy. I returned and the nursing staff came in to check her vital signs. Shortly thereafter her breathing slowed then stopped. This was a first for me. I’ve never been present for a human being when they transitioned. I felt sad, but I knew she was at peace.

I Don’t know what to feel. Men often disconnect their feelings for survival, at least in their mind. I’m no different. My feelings come and go, at least on a conscious level. Even though I have studied how to deal with emotions, I still have normal resistance to dealing with them. Sometimes it’s hard to tell if I really don’t have unexpressed emotions, or if I have actually learned acceptance as life happens. I suspect it’s a combination. People often mask their feelings and put on a face to show the world. Sometimes it’s due to not knowing what to do, sometimes fear of completely falling apart. We will find a time when we will deal with our emotions. It will happen when we feel safe. It needs to happen. We often continue our life as though nothing happened. I find that writing helps me to express myself. I encourage clients to do the same. Try it yourself. If you need help expressing your feelings, find someone who can help you. Friends, family often can be supportive. Sometimes however a professional coach or therapist is needed. If you need help, find it. Life changes, and if we want better results we need to do something different. It’s worth your effort to do the emotional healing to create the life you want.

John Seeley Life Coach~Speaker and Author of Get Unstuck! The Simple Guide to Restart Your Life. http://www.getunstuck.com

John Seeley is President/CEO of Blue Moon Wonders and HeartFire Seminars, specialize in educational & personal growth workshops and products.

John grew up in the Midwest the youngest of five children. He has worked all over the country for Fortune 500 companies. John has been involved in personal growth & coaching since 1990. He works with individuals and business executives who have a commitment to making positive changes and awakening a greater sense of purpose and fulfillment in their lives and companies. John is a catalyst for change your life and has been in the lives of many people. John’s books Get Unstuck! The Simple Guide to Restart Your Life! and Get Unstuck! The Companion Workbook are showing people the steps to take to get their lives moving and create the life they really want.

John has participated in various individual and group experiential trainings for the past 15 years. Today he spends his time showing others how to do the same

If you were to decide to go on a diet, you may decide as a first
step to stop eating that delicious double fudge cake that you
enjoy so much. An excellent decision for the goal you wish to
achieve. However, you now have to resist the thought of that
delicious double fudge cake. Resisting it will keep the cake on
your mind. A problem.

Why would resisting a desire keep it on your mind? Here’s an
illustration to make this clear. Stop and imagine for a moment
that a stranger came up to you and gave you a device that can
monitor one thought in your head. That thought is whether or not
you are thinking about a ‘pink elephant’. (strange, I know.)

Then he says, “I will give you $1000 if you DON’T think of a
pink elephant for exactly 24 hours and this device will let me
know if you did or not.”

Suddenly, something that you may never have thought about before
in your life. Namely, a pink elephant. Becomes ALL you can think
about for the next 24 hours.

In other words, a mistake that many people make when attempting
to manage stress is to - RESIST- what they don’t want! Resisting
an idea focuses your mind on that idea like a crab holding on to
its prey.

The Solution?

Focus instead on what you do want to achieve rather than what
you want to resist.

Yes, those pink elephants can be hard to keep off your mind,
unless you choose to focus instead on how beautiful the ancient
‘Bird of Paradise’ must be. Then create the image of the most
beautiful bird you can imagine. What pink elephants?J

Being enthusiastic about a project naturally enables you to
focus. But what can be done about jobs you are less excited
about?.

The first thing to do when faced with an unpleasant, maybe even
stressful, task is to change your point of view.

Everything has a positive aspect to it, so spend a few moments
and look for that silver lining. To make an unpleasant job a
little more palatable, build in a few treats along the way. When
you find your thoughts starting to drift, remind yourself of the
final reward at the end of a job well done.

Distractions are inevitable; the goal is to develop your ability
to cope with a distraction and get back on track. When you
notice you thoughts start to drift or you are interrupted, order
your mind to STOP; then gently bring your mind back to where it
should be. The key word here is gently, trying to force yourself
to concentrate only increases resistance.

Allow specific times for your mind to wander or worry. With time
set aside to worry or day-dream, stray thoughts are less likely
to force themselves into your focus time. Making a note of
worrisome thoughts and putting them aside for later will
sometimes help.

Remember, your mind is an extremely powerful tool. It can be
your worst enemy or best friend. How you choose to focus your
mind is the key to handling those pink elephants.

When you are dealing a significant other who is depressed, they are usually going to live in an environment that is not conducive to getting better. This is a pitfall of depression, that it can be environmentally-based but as you become more and more depressed you become more and more apathetic towards your environment – a real catch-22. How you help them fix this is a key to their getting better. However, it could require more domestic work than you are comfortable with, or than you signed up for.

The first thing that you need to evaluate is the cleanliness of their living space. Things to look for are garbage all over the place, dirty dishes piling up, clothes strewn all over the floor, things that are clearly out of place. See how messy they are, and try to figure out if they have always been this way. If they have, it will be harder to break them of these habits but it is still essential. A clean living area will help reduce stress and will give your significant other a start towards getting better. Depending on how much time you spend there, it will also help you to stay healthy. Get them to start cleaning up, with you directing and assisting. Make sure that they are putting things in a space where the items can live permanently. Stopgap cleaning, while temporarily helpful, will not improve the situation.

Learn to alleviate your depression at http://www.curemydepression.com

Most people have heard of most phobias. Mention claustrophobia, social phobia, or arachnophobia and everyone pretty much knows what you are talking about. Mention agoraphobia, and most people will just shake their heads.

Because of this, many people who get agoraphobia often take a year, and in some cases, many years, just finding out what is wrong with them. Since the panic and anxiety symptoms that come with agoraphobia are so physical, people who get agoraphobia commonly visit a succession of doctors trying in search of a diagnosis. Since medical doctors are not usually trained to diagnose agoraphobia, let alone anxiety disorders, agoraphobia has had time to become deeply rooted in most people before they know enough about the disorder to seek the proper treatment and being recovery.

In light of this, here are some basics about agoraphobia:

Agoraphobia is “anxiety about, or avoidance of, places or situations from which escape might be difficult (or embarrassing) or in which help may not be available in the event of having a panic attack or panic-like symptoms.” (DSM-IV)

Agoraphobia is a type of anxiety disorder. The term “agoraphobia” comes from the Greek words agora (αγορά), meaning “marketplace,” and phobia (φόβος), meaning “fear.” Literally translated as “fear of the marketplace,” people with agoraphobia are afraid of open or public spaces.

In reality, most people with agoraphobia are not so much afraid of open and public places as they are afraid of having a panic attack in these settings, especially settings in which there may be no one to help in the case of a panic attack or actual emergency.

The most common symptoms of agoraphobia are:

1) Panic Attacks: Periods of intense fear, usually lasting about ten minutes or so (but sometimes longer).

2) Avoidance Behavior: Avoiding places and situations that are hard to escape from or that might be embarrassing to have to suddenly leave. Most commonly, this is because they fear having a panic attack or unexpected catastrophe and not being able to get help or get away.

3) Developing “Safe” People: People with whom the agoraphobic is highly familiar with and feels emotionally close to. “Safe” people are usually parents, spouses, children, or close friends and relatives.

4) Developing “Safe” Places: Places in which the agoraphobic feels psychologically comfortable. The most common safe place for someone with agoraphobia is his or her own home.

5) Scanning: Obsessive monitoring of one’s own body for strange or unusual symptoms.

6) Fear of being alone: This is related to the fear of having no one to help in the case of a panic attack or real emergency.

If you suspect that you or someone you know might have agoraphobia, don’t waste any time in learning about the disorder. Research has shown that the sooner you start the recovery process the more likely your chances of a successful recovery are.

You can learn more about agoraphobia online at the Agoraphobia Resource Center website. The site was started by a recovered agoraphobic with the intention of helping others learn about and recover from agoraphobia. You can find it on the web at:

www.agoraphobia.ws

Stephen Price is a recovered agoraphobic who has has devoted himself to the study of agoraphobia and to helping others overcome the disorder. Since his recovery, Stephen has earned masters degrees in psychology and counseling and has published original research on anxiety.

Contact:
Stephen Price
Agoraphobia Resource Center
www.agoraphobia.ws
559-322-6898

Like adults, children can suffer from depression, in this case: childhood depression. It’s not uncommon and since children actually are the purest of humans, it might be safe to say if a child is depressed-and they actually tell you that-it’s a rather serious issue.

One of the most common misconceptions about childhood depression is:”what do children have to be depressed about?”. Perhaps this reveals a few misunderstandings about childhood depression and what it is. It is indeed quite similar to clinical depression-borrowing from medical terminology and is not just down moods resulting from a child being ‘depressed’ cause they have just been punished or have been told they can’t have something. No, childhood depression is more intrusive into the child’s very existence, may be long-lasting and if not attended to life threatening.

Perhaps another misconception may have to do with us thinking, being a child is a care-free, trouble free stage of human life. Not necessarily, with peer acceptance, school and family expectations, it is enough to make a kid worry and could be a huge factor to be considered in regards to dealing with a case of childhood depression.

Other Causes of Childhood Depression:

1. Family History of Mental illness or suicide.
2. Abuse (physical, emotional or sexual)
3. Chronic illnesses.
4. Loss of a parent at an early age to death, divorce or abandonment.
5. Improper diet and lack of sufficient exercise.
6. Excessive exposure to negative factors such as parents arguing, bad neighborhoods etc
7. Insufficient parental attention.

Though this is not a conclusive list of the causes of depression in children, perhaps these factors are the most common ones.

Symptoms of Childhood Depression:

1. Loss of interest in hobbies and activities
2. Abrupt change in Appetite
3. Change in sleep patterns (either increase or decrease).
4. Difficulty concentrating.
5. Making depreciating statements like “I’m not good enough, I’m stupid…”
6. Persistent Sadness.
7. Recurring thoughts of Suicide
8. Excessive clinging or withdrawal
If you notice any of these in your child’s behaviour it may be time to seek help. But, keep in mind, the first step may be a good heart to heart talk with your child.

Reconnect with them. Make plans for a getaway saying things like “How about you and I go to the park, just the two of us eh?”. Now seize this time to carefully see what could be the problem.

Also, borrowing from Yoga principles (Natural Healing as well), now will be a good time to assess your entire families diet. Remember, “you are what you eat”. Diet plays, perhaps the most important role in one’s health, especially children in their growing stages so all efforts should be made to ‘pleasantly’ enforce a proper diet. You may not have to work too hard, most kids LOVE bananas and other sweet fruits and fresh juices. Vegetables…maybe not so much, but you get my gist. Try to replace processed foods with healthier ones.

Take time out to be there for your child or at least be conscious of who he or she is around the most. Remember children are wonderful imitators.
If you yourself happen to be depressed, I recommend drug-free alternatives such as Yoga, and the previously mentioned proper eating. Also, look into fasting albeit it short as this works wonders for restoring your emotional balance as result of the body not being taxed with the duties of digestion, assimilation and re-building. Your mind clears and all moroseness disappears and consequently, you tend to find the answers to the problems warranting a treatment for depression in the first place. Keep in mind though; this radical step is suited only for adults not necessarily for kids.

Devote thirty minutes or more a day for open air recreation for yourself and your family. Visits to the zoo, active play, and swimming tend to relieve tension created in the home, school, and work and this may go a long way in assisting in curing childhood depression in the family.
Make efforts yourself to be cheerful as much as possible as kids do mimic what their parents constantly do.

Finally, if you are of a spiritual inclination, try prayer power and introduce your child to it. Hey, the Man did say: “Suffer the little children to come unto me and forbid them not, for of such is the kingdom of God.” I believe a child connected to God is one sure way of preventing childhood depression. (Of course with the factors previously mentioned.)

Parenting or being a role model to a child is a duty that may be tasking at times, even more say when dealing with a depressed child. However with the suggestions given, if tackled properly, childhood depression need not be a thing your kid has to go through.

In friendship,

Foras Aje

Foras Aje is an independent health researcher and founder of Bodyhealthsoul.com, a website on Natural Health and Wellness. For additional information on depression treatment go to www.bodyhealthsoul.com/depression.htm